Pools of love (Gwenpool x male reader)

Less than ideal

Y/n: This is not ideal.

Y/n is in a corner store with the intention of shopping for a cheap dinner for one. He is currently being held at gunpoint by a robber which needless to say is far from convenient. The store owner is cowering behind the counter, hyperventilating.

Robber: Hurry up!

The owner begins ramming dollar bills into a sack thrown at him by the assailant. Across the street, a less than heroic heroine watches from a rooftop, her feet dangle over the edge.

Gwenpool: Alright! My evening is saved!

Gwenpool produces a pink case from seemingly nowhere and throws out various items behind her including a bazooka and a rubber chicken among other items.

Gwenpool: No, no, no, no...

The cycle continues for a while.

Robber: Hurry it up! I'll blow his freakin' brains out!

The clerk begins to panic and Y/n silently freaks out due to the gun being pointed at him.

Gwenpool: Oh, this'll do very nicely.

The doors to the store crash open and Gwenpool stands adjacent with an American flag. Before the robber can react- she throws it like a javelin, the pole pierces through the criminal's head and embeds itself into a shelf. Both Y/n and the store owner scream.

Gwenpool: Captain America would not be impressed...

Store owner: Are you okay sir?

Y/n: I... sure.

Y/n stands in moderate shock as he watches the blood ooze from out of the gunman's head. It is only at this moment that Gwenpool notices the civilians in the area.

Gwenpool: Oh. Hi! You guys just got saved!

Store Owner: I'm calling the cops!

Gwenpool: What?!

Y/n runs from the scene in terror and Gwenpool stares at his receding figure with disappointment.

Gwenpool: Don't be scared, I'm the good guy.

The sound of sirens signal to her that it's time to split. Later, she sits upon a different rooftop twiddling her thumbs. The freelance gig hadn't been working so well, due to her more violent methods: many of the people she ended up saving became more afraid of her than the criminals that endangered them. Tonight was a perfect example of that.

Gwenpool: How do I prove that I'm not a bad guy?

Y/n: You could try making a good first impression.

Below the roof she sat upon was y/n's apartment, inside of which he was on the phone to his sister.

Y/n: What do you mean how? You're meeting your boyfriend's parents, be respectful.

Gwenpool cocks her head and places her ear to the roof, eavesdropping.

Y/n: I don't know, ask them about their culture.

Gwenpool climbs precariously down the building -nearly slipping multiple times- she finds firm footing on Y/n's windowsill and watches him through the glass. She then realised he is the guy from the robbery.

Y/n: What do you mean 'what culture'? They're Kree emigrates!

Gwenpool sticks around for the whole call, when Y/n would turn to his window she would scramble upwards as fast as she could to avoid being seen. As the sun began to rise, she sat in her room with a pencil and notepad.

Gwenpool: Maybe if I made a good first impression people wouldn't be as scared of me... that's it!

Gwenpool goes to sleep the exact time Y/n wakes up. He rolls out of bed and has a shower. Next, he sniffs some of the clothes he lazily threw on the floor over the last week to see if they smelt acceptable to wear. After putting together an outfit he pours some cereal and milk into the only bowl he had cleaned and sat at his table, eating in silence.

Around half an hour later, Y/n appears outside his apartment building and walks glumly to the bus stop. He reads that there is a severe delay due to a bus strike.

Y/n: Oh for the love of...

He sits down and accepts his fate, since he doesn't own a car and it would be a two hour walk to where he needed to go: waiting for the bus was his only option.

Gwenpool: Two hours of sleep, new record!

She catapults herself out of bed. As she slept in her suit she has no need to change.

Gwenpool: Meh, I can shower later.

She throws (literally) a few pop tarts in her toaster and turns on some happy pop music while she waits for her breakfast.

Gwenpool: Alright, how can I make a good first impression...

The "ding" of the toaster signifies an idea popping into her head.

Gwenpool: That guy!

She takes her pop tarts out of the toaster and places them on a paper plate.

Gwenpool: If I can find the guy from last night I can explain to him that I'm a good guy! He'll spread the word and people will start to trust me. It shouldn't be that hard.

She stares through the phone you're reading this story from.

Gwenpool: I know where he lives...

She goes back to her breakfast, softly nodding her head to the music as she chews on the sugary food. Once finished: she packs a penguin backpack full of guns, swords and snacks. She then goes back to turn off her radio and leaves her residence.

Elsewhere, after a multiple hour wait, Y/n climbs aboard the bus. After paying his toll he sits down in one of the seats and turns on some music (using headphones, he's not a supervillain). Following on the rooftops is the questionably titled 'heroine' Gwenpool.

Gwenpool: I'm coming random guy!

In the bus, the back of Y/n's seat is being kicked by a small child. He sighs to himself. The kid's mother takes notice and scolds them before apologising to Y/n.

Y/n: No harm done.

Y/n rolls his eyes after turning back to the window. Due to being a human: Gwenpool has trouble keeping up with the bus- she is thankful that it hasn't yet turns a corner.

Gwenpool: I hate public transport!

With a grand leap, she lands face first on the roof of the bus. The passengers underneath scream and Y/n jolts out of his seat- hitting his head on the pole.

Y/n: Ow!

He holds his head and nurses it- falling back into his seat. Gwenpool peels her face off of the bus and shakes her head. After regaining her senses, she hangs her body off of the roof so that she appears at Y/n's window upside down. Y/n looks out of said window and locks eyes with her.

Gwenpool: Hi there.

He faints.