Pools of love (Gwenpool x male reader)

Cap at the dry cleaners

Y/n wakes up on his mattress, his eyes heavy. He groggily rolls out of bed and finds the strength to get  on his feet. He hears soft snoring from behind Gwen's bedroom door and quietly manoeuvres to the bathroom to have a shower. He turns the creaky tap and is attacked by ice cold water.

Y/n: You have one job Gwen, put the boiler on before you go to bed. I have to do everything around here.

Y/n reclothes himself and turns the boiler on. He had half an hour to kill so he picks a book up and begins to read. In her room: Gwen's eyes snap open and she sniffs around like a guard dog.

Gwen: There's a nerd in this building...

Gwen leaps out of bed and sniffs around her room. After coming up with nothing: she stumbles out of her room in her pyjamas and immediately locks on to Y/n's book.

Y/n: Morning, Gwen. Hey, you forgot to put the boiler on last night.

Gwen: Nerd...

Y/n realises exactly what's going down. He puts the book down on the counter and gets one of those water squirters you use for plants or cats. It was the only way Y/n could repel Gwen that didn't involve all the furniture in the apartment being smashed to pieces.

Y/n: Gwen... don't do it.

Y/n talks as if she were a feral animal which was actually quite a viable analogy in this context. She rushes for the book only to be deterred by the short blasts of hydration.

Y/n: No! Bad, Gwen! Down!

She hisses at him and scarpers back to her room. Once behind her door: she shakes the water off like a dog and leaps onto her bed. After waiting long enough for his water to warm: Y/n takes a long shower, contemplating the upsides of locking Gwen in her room. After his shower he joins Gwen in the living room. She is wearing a white bathrobe and sat on the couch with her feet up.

Y/n: Why are you wearing that? You haven't even showered, it's called a bathrobe for a reason you know.

Gwen: We don't have a bath genius. It's my new aesthetic, like it?

Y/n: Do you plan on wearing it in public?

Gwen: I don't think the world's ready for that. A girl like me isn't for the faint of heart.

The thought of Gwen committing public indecency makes Y/n grossly uncomfortable. Not as uncomfortable however as facing the fact that that was a very real possibility due to Gwen's predisposition to following rules. He is gratefully ripped out of his train of thought when a knock on their door shakes the knocker on the other side. Y/n opens the door to find Captain America in a much more brightly coloured suit than usual.

Y/n: Are you doing house calls now? And what's with the jazzy suit?

Captain America: My normal one's at the dry cleaners.

Y/n: What, you just use a regular ass dry cleaners? Imagine seeing Cap at the dry cleaners.

Gwen: Beans needed a chapter banner, alright? God.

Captain America: Anyway. Spider-Man and I are going to The Raft to interrogate The Vulture over the details of Osborn's escape. You wanna come?

Cut to Y/n, Spider-Man, Gwenpool, Captain America and Miles aboard a boat heading to the raft.

Spider-Miles: Hi, we haven't met but I was one of the people that investigated That one Hit-Monkey when you went on lockdown.

Y/n: Oh, wow. Thanks so much.

Spider-Miles: No biggie.

They fist bump. On the other side of the very spacious vessel is Gwen bugging Spider-Man.

Gwenpool: How much did this thing cost?

Spider-Man: It's a rental.

Gwenpool: Do you use it often?

Spider-Man: First time.

Gwenpool: Am I bothering you?

Spider-Man: Yes.

The boat eventually arrives at The raft and Spider-Man is desperate to get Gwen out of his hair.

Spider-Man: Why don't you go with Cap to talk to Vulture? Good cop, bad cop?

Gwenpool: Which one am I?

Spider-Man: Annoying cop?

Spider-Miles: Crazy cop?

Captain America: Irresponsible cop?

Y/n: Socially stunted cop?

Gwenpool: Alright! I get it. You guys are mean.

Gwen and Steve leave as Y/n and the two Spider-Men poke around in Osborn's old cell. Y/n stares out of the massive hole in the wall that leads to the ocean.

Y/n: I know I'm not the superhero here but it's pretty obvious what happened here.

Spider-Man: Vulture blew the wall open and got Osborn out.

Spider-Miles: Like carry him? Didn't you catch Vulture on his own.

Y/n: I doubt this was a solo venture. There was probably a boat driver or something to get him out.

Spider-Man: Let's have a look around the cell.

The cell was pretty standard all things considered. The only whispers of personalisation were a cluster of lines carved into various sections of the wall.

Spider-Miles: Was he counting the days he was in here?

Spider-Man: No, every fifth scratch would be horizontal. And they're all over the room. Look, three different spots.

Y/n: Sorry, three different spots?

Spider-Man: Yeah, is that important?

Y/n: It's only an idea, but those three clusters could be co-ordinate sets.

Spider-Miles: Like a six figure grid reference?

Y/n: Exactly.

Spider-Man: These scratches could be 1's. I'll count them all up, you two can take a break.

Y/n: You sure you don't need a hand? We could get it done quicker.

Spider-Man: I'll be alright, go get some food.

Cut to Y/n and Miles entering the staff break room, they sit down on the same table as Gwen.

Gwenpool: Captain Bozo kicked me out.

Y/n: What did you do?

Gwenpool: Nothing!

Y/n: Gwen, I can tell when you're lying to me.

Gwenpool: Look, all I did was shout at him.

Spider-Miles: What did you say?

Gwenpool: I may have made some... unfortunate remarks about his ex-wife and daughter.

Y/n: Oh, for God's sake.

Gwenpool: You act like it's my fault!

Y/n: It is your fault, Gwen.

Spider-Miles: Things do seem to go that way.

Gwenpool: Name one time!

Spider-Miles: Well, when we met it was because you were so irresponsible that a murderer from the future got your friend shot to get to you.

Y/n: That is pretty damning.

Gwenpool: Did you just call me pretty?

Spider-Miles: No, he didn't.

Y/n: I didn't.

Gwenpool: You're thinking it though.

Gwen smirks and leans back in her chair. The doors to the staff room burst open before Y/n has to face the grim reality that Gwen is actually right for once.

Spider-Man: I got it!