Double Standards

62

James

I didn't imagine this was how today was going to go.. currently sitting in hospital once again but I wasn't waiting for Riley instead I was waiting for Patrick
He didn't come at the time we had planned so I went over to his to find him laying across the floor.. I didn't know how long he was there for or what's caused this but I'm still waiting for answers myself

Now I don't want to sound selfish but I now feel like I can't worry for Riley anymore, I had no one to talk too since I've distanced myself from everyone once again but then again I didn't have many solid friendships beforehand anyway
But with Patrick back in hospital again I felt extremely drained, worrying for him alongside Riley and the twins was exhausting but that's all I've known for the last 4 weeks

I just want things to go back to normal and everyday I pray that becomes reality but as each day ends it feels like that's getting further and further away and i just don't know if I can hold on for much longer
We had Jonah again as Patrick's doctor since he's familiar with our whole family and he knows our medical history too making it that little bit easier to try and figure it all out

Speaking of the devil Jonah leaves Patrick's room writing away on his clipboard before looking up trying to find me and as his eyes meet him he makes his way over with a sympathetic look; one I was all too familiar with. As soon as Jonah was close enough he toke the seat next to me and let out a huge sigh before clearing his throat

"This isn't something you want to hear but in my opinion Patricks cancer has gotten worse.. the medication stopped it for a while but some has spread causing him to fall on the floor, we've run some tests and the tumour on the brain has grown slightly which affected in his muscle memory, we're trying to monitor the rest and see if they're growing as well but if that's the case I'm not sure how long he's got left" Jonah explains

The more words Jonah spoke the more numb I felt.. this wasn't something I needed now
This wasn't something I needed to tell Riley once she was free..
Patrick needs to see his grandchildren before he goes..

Patrick was a father figure to me, he taught me right from wrong and when I fucked up he made sure I knew about it but he also helped me massively
I know Riley absolutely adores her dad I mean her Mum and Emily aren't exactly in the picture so I'm a way Riley would be left with no one

The relationship Riley and Patrick have together is such a good bond, don't get me wrong it wasn't always like this but after all that drama when Riley was first kidnapped it brought them both so much closer
They both leant on each other for help and support and I fear that if Patrick ever goes leave Riley will become even more of an introvert

The last thing we need after this is for Riley to isolate herself even more.. is it going to be difficult for Riley to be okay after she's free from Beth? Of course it will be but Riley would be crushed to find out that during her time being kidnapped that her father passed away
One of Riley's biggest fears could possibly become our reality and that was something I was afraid for..

I am scared.. scared for myself, scared for Riley and scared for our babies.. surely we've gone through enough heartbreak?