Hurt - Eddie Munson

19

The next day, Lana waited at the bus stop, expecting to see Eddie, but he never showed up. Neither did the friends he usually stood with, which she noted was weird but tried not to think too much of.

School dragged as per although Lana felt different from usual. The anxiety she usually felt about the kids around her and what they might do to her was replaced with anxiety about Eddie, and about seeing Billy of course.

Seeing him in front of no one was one thing, him bumping into her in a corridor full of peers to impress was another.

But even that didn't play on her mind like Eddie's hurt face did.

He was in school, she saw him in the cafeteria and made an effort not to look over at him, not wanting him to know just how much she actually cared. He was doing the same thing, catching glances at Lana when she wasn't looking, but trying to stop himself from even peeking in the first place.

"What's up with you and Blau?" Gareth asked Eddie quietly, before anyone else could join them at the table. "You keep on looking at her and she keeps on looking at you. Did you guys fall out or something?"

Eddie turned to his friend with a sigh and shook his head. "No, nothing happened." He lied. "I'm not even looking at her, I was looking at the new sign on the wall behind her."

Gareth scoffed but dropped the subject, knowing there was something going on but not being one to pry.

Robin had a similar line of questions for Lana.

"So I'm guessing Eddie checked on you last night then." She grinned, snapping Lana out of her daydream.

"Huh? Why would you guess that?" Lana sheepishly smiled.

"Because you've both just been awkwardly staring at each other and then looking away for like twenty minutes. Did something happen?"

Unlike Eddie however, Lana chose not to lie for once. Why end the honesty streak with her friend over something so trivial?

"Yeah. I think we fell out." Lana sighed and leaned into her hands. "He was just worrying, like you or Steve do, and I kind of accused him of trying to use me for sex."

"Well have you guys been having sex?"

"I wish! God if only you could understand what it's like to crave a penis Robin!" Lana giggled, making Robin laugh too.

"Well why haven't you had sex? It's not like he's not into you."

"How would you know if he's into me or not?"

"Because anyone with eyes can see he is, do you not remember that whole thing that happened with Jason and Andy? And he literally can't take his eyes off you. Also pretty much half the guys in here are secretly into you, why wouldn't he be?"

Lana rolled her eyes. "Okay for starters Robin, they're not into me, they're into fantasizing about all the insane sexual acts they think I get up to, probably some involving you." Both of the girls laughed at that. "And second, I guess I'm scared of the rumour being true. I don't want to be some sex addicted slut-"

"Oh please Lana you know better than that! How come when men enjoy sex it's cool but when women do it makes them sluts? You know better than to listen to their bullshit."

"But what if I am a sex addict Rob? I'm serious. I don't even know how to make a move to a guy unless it's sexual." Lana groaned and rubbed her temples. "I would love to just tell Eddie plain and simple let's have sex right here right now, but then I wouldn't know how to make it something not sexual, something romantic. I don't want to become a hole again, not like with Billy."

Robin sat in silence for a moment as she took in Lana's words before she also let out a heavy sigh.

"Man I want to kill that kid. I think Steve's actually gonna kick his teeth in I can't lie, haven't seen him so worked up over something ever."

Lana's face dropped at that.

Steve can't fight Billy. I need Billy to stay not mad at me so I can get fentanyl off him. I can't say that to Robin though. I guess the honesty streak is up.

"I'd really rather if he didn't do that. Do you know where he is?"

Robin was visibly shocked and confused by this.

"Why wouldn't you want that?" She turned to her friend who was no longer looking at her but was now staring down at her lap as she nervously played with her fingers.

"I just want things to stay peaceful. It's easier that way." She gulped, prompting Robin to wave in her face as if to wake her up.

"Hello Lana? He literally fucking raped you the other night! How-"

"Sssh." Lana quickly hushed her friend who's voice was rising with irritation by the second. "It wasn't rape. It's not like he held a knife to my throat."

"Are you serious? He busted your lip, drugged you and forced you to bend over his car. If that's not-"

Lana suddenly stood up, prompting Robin to stop her sentence and grab Lana's hand before she could walk away.

"I'll drop it." Robin forced a smile up at her but Lana was already in a mood now and didn't want to talk anymore.

"I'm going to the toilet." She said plainly before walking off, Robin's words spinning around her head.

He raped me.

God I hate that word, it gives him so much power.

I guess she's right though.

I know she's right.

If it wasn't for me being such a worthless, junkie idiot, I might actually feel true anger towards him for it. But I know I asked for it, every single time, and men are controlled by their penises, it's what I get for being such a stupid slut.

I don't like the word though.

Raped.

It makes me feel dirty, adds more power to what happened.

He didn't rape me. It's fine.

Those thoughts along with the worried thoughts about Eddie, how to make up with him, wether to make a move or not, plagued her mind for the rest of the day. When she finally got home, she immediately popped one of the fentanyl and crawled into bed, ready to not have any thoughts and pass out super early.