( Hi so I have to say that the way that Lana thinks about being assaulted by Billy is NOT how any of you should think, she reflects my own self doubt. As a survivor of sexual abuse I know the shame and self blame that comes with it and that is reflected through her thoughts. In no way is it ever okay for someone to have sex with someone in a vulnerable position such as being too drunk or on drugs, even if they say yes, if they were too fucked up to defend themself, think, or remember it properly - it's rape. I don't know how many of you will have dealt with this but given the statistics of victims I will say at least one of you so my love goes out to you, stay strong - we got this.)
*Lana's POV*
I woke up the next day feeling as shitty as ever. My dreams were full of terrors and from the moment I woke up, a cloud of anxiety hung over me.
I can't escape this shit even when I'm asleep.
Fucking hell.
Why has everything got to be like this?
I can't believe I freaked out like that in front of Eddie and Robin... or that I was so rude to Steve... or that they all know all of my secrets now and are actively interfering with my shit.
For fucks sake.
I really fucked everything up.
There's no way Eddie will want me now.
I'm just some victim to him.
Someone to keep in the friend zone.
And he knows I'm a total freak.
I doubt he even wants to have sex with me anymore.
And I don't know if Steve even wants to be my friend anymore.
Fuck why did I say all that shit?
I'm such a bitch.
I completely fucked up.
Sighing, I sat up and looked around my room. It was a total mess, probably still from that awful Thursday night, so I decided to get up and start cleaning.
It was therapeutic for a while, my mind focusing on the task at hand rather than everything else, but when I went to put something in the bin I saw a condom lying in it and felt my breath stop.
That's from Billy.
Don't think about it.
I put the rubbish on top of it and continued tidying for a little while but the thoughts had started to flood in now and I couldn't stop them.
I'm such a dumb slut.
I ask for it every single time.
Eddie and Steve shouldn't fight for me, Billy doesn't know what he's doing.
But then why does it make me feel so sick to think about him touching me? And why do I want to fight Billy too sometimes?
YOU ARE READING
Hurt - Eddie Munson
Fanfiction"He knew that she had changed since they were kids, obviously, and he knew that she must've got herself involved in some bad shit to have ran away with Billy, but he wasn't expecting such a dark eyed, tiny, slumped, girl to come out of that trailer...
