Bella POV
“Tune in next week for live results!”
“HMMMMM hm HM HHm Hm hm.” Louis and Lucy hummed the theme for the Xtra Factor back at the TV. Lucy was lying in between Niall’s legs while he ran his fingers through her long dirty blonde hair. It was a small thing but the way Niall acted around Lucy was like there was no one and nothing else around her. He put her up on this pedestal that she deserved to be on and treated her like a princess. I needed to find me a Niall.
We were having a really lazy day just sitting around we were watching re-runs of the Xtra Factor. I was feeling really…I don’t know how to explain it. I just felt done with everything. After that last episode with my mom, I just had my eyes opened to the fact that I hate my life. I never confronted these feelings. I always pushed them back and now that they were coming up, I had no clue how to deal with them. It was making me a huge bitch. And not the loveable, funny kind that will stick up for her friends no matter what. I was just the mean bitch. I was bringing everyone down. I really hate that it’s who I’m becoming. I’m fighting with feelings of annoyance toward myself for bringing to life all of these thoughts and emotions that I’ve suppressed for so long. Why did it have to be so hard to just accept things in my life? I had a ‘bad home life’. I’ve lived with it my entire life and been fine, but something happened that changed it all. I just don’t know what. I looked over at Lucy, who was eating dry cheerios and laughing with Louis. They looked so happy. I looked around at all of my friends. Every one of them, happy. Except me. I was really starting to feel depressed with myself and decided to cool off or something.
“Be right back, guys” I said and walked out the back door.
“Where ya goin babes” Lucy asked
“Need some company?” Sadie offered
“Just to get some air, I’ll be fine!” I forced a smile, so they wouldn’t follow me and made my way to the hammock in the back garden. I lay down and looked up at the clouds. I was about to give in to self-pity and have a good cry when Louis came out the back door and headed towards me.
“What is it?” I asked him, a little annoyed.
“Can we just talk or something?” He asked, also a little annoyed
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Well…” he seemed uncomfortable. I sat up in the hammock and looked him in the eyes. This made it worse. “Look I know we’re not like BFFs or anything but I can’t help but notice a serious change in behaviour. In the nicest way possible, your mood swings are giving me whiplash.” I laughed in my head about that analogy. I sighed and lay back in the hammock again, patting the spot of rope next to me.
“Have a seat, Tomlinson.” I said giving up. I explained what had been going on at home recently and all of the shit I was feeling for leaving my little siblings at home in such a hostile environment. He just lay there and listen to me bitch and complain about my life for a while and when I was done, there was a moment of silence before-
“Okay, so what you’re telling me is that you have a shitty life and you’re trying to figure out how to deal with it and its causing you to act differently around your friends and its making you feel weird.” Wow.
“Um. Yeah basically. How did you get all that?”
“I’m a great listener when I’m not running my mouth all the time.” He said, smiling down at me. He patted down my wild blond curls so he could see my face more clearly.
“I’m sorry I’m always such a bitch to you.” I said, not knowing where these words came from.
“Yeah, I’m sorry too.” He said. I was a but taken aback
“You’re sorry for being such a jerk to me?” I asked
“No I’m also sorry you’re such a bitch to me.” He said with a straight face
“Louis!” I said slapping his stomach
*oh* “I guess I deserved that.” He said laughing. “Really though, I am sorry. I don’t know why we fight so much.”
“Yeah I guess the attraction is all physical.” I said bringing up our weird friends with benefits thing.
“Well we are pretty hot!” he said looking over at me again. We were so close on the hammock that my whole right side was glued to his whole left.
“About that…” I started “um I don’t think it’s a good idea anymore. Like, it was fun while it lasted, but, after all the weirdness, I just think we should cool it.” He didn’t respond right away.
“Maybe you’re right.” He said without looking at me. “Hey remember that day at Sadie and Liam’s?” oh god. I was hoping he wouldn’t bring it up.
“Yeah, what about it?” I asked cautiously, I was a complete mess that day.
“You started to say to something before you left. You said ‘you were like my…’ and then you stopped. What were you going to say?” he asked with furrowed eyebrows. Now it was me that couldn’t look at him. I knew exactly what I was about to say. I was going to say ‘you were like my escape from all of this.’ He made me forget it all. But we had just decided to cool it on the togetherness stuff so I decided to push it out of my head, even though I had been thinking about it ever since the day I almost said it.
“Oh um, I was going to say that you were like my” I had to think really fast. “Felix. You know like in One Tree Hill how Brooke and Felix hated each other and had a hook-up only rule?” whew that was close. I’m glad One Tree Hill was my favorite show. He laughed at me. I’m not really sure if he believed me, but he didn’t say anything else, so I ignored it.
I was really comfortable here. I let out a sigh of relief for being done with drama for a while as we swayed in the summer breeze.
