Closer than Ever

Chapter 7 - Tiny Universe

The next week drags on and on for me. I try to follow Taehyung's suggestion, going out to parks and jotting down observations about the people and interactions around me, seeing lots of new art in open air displays and galleries, and spending time in the music appreciation zone at work, listening to old, half-forgotten favorites as well as songs I've never heard before. At first, I'm annoyed that everyone around me is masked, just in the sense of not being able to read their expressions well, but as the days go by that becomes a sort of a theme in my notebook.

Since I am intentionally trying to court inspiration, it feels forced to me. When I sit down to try to write, or pick up my guitar, nothing comes to me. But at least I'm not just sitting around in my apartment, being bored. 'I guess this is the input phase, not the output phase,' I think, and urge myself to be OK with that.

Taehyung still texts at least once a day, some days several times. They're usually just a quick check-in, asking what I did that day, and telling me a little bit about how rehearsal is going. It's always nice to hear from him, although he often sounds exhausted, even through his text messages.

Tuesday of the second week, I am at the veterinary clinic buying food for Lulu when my phone rings. A little thrill runs through me when I hear Taehyung's voice.

"Eunen Sae! Are you busy?"

"No, I'm just buying some cat food. What's up?"

"Ah, we're having a little break. These choreographies are killing me! I'm so out of shape. Are you busy tomorrow evening?"

"No, I don't have any plans. Why?"

"Would you like to go for a walk on the beach? Probably kind of late. We have costume fittings tomorrow, so it's a lighter day, and then a group dinner. We'll probably be done by nine or ten. I want to talk."

"Uh, OK, that sounds fine. I think it might rain tomorrow, but I have a raincoat."

"Oh... OK, I'll make sure to bring an umbrella, in case. Well, I think we're about to start again. I'll call tomorrow after the dinner and come pick you up, OK?"

"Yeah, sure... Talk to you then," I say, bewildered. Taehyung hangs up.

'What the heck is that about?' I think, handing the veterinary receptionist some cash. 'He sounded really serious. Has he decided to scrap all the songs and start over? Shit, what if he wants to tell me that our collaboration isn't working well? Oh my god, can they fire me, or would I just have to work with other artists for the rest of the two years?' 

My brain spins faster and faster, and I have to talk myself down to avoid having an anxiety attack as I walk down the sidewalk toward my apartment. 'It's probably nothing. Just breathe! Breathe, you lunatic. Breathe.'

I'm so freaked out that I decide to drop off the cat food and then head to the neighborhood bathhouse for a massage and a long soak, to calm myself down. I grab my favorite shampoo, my scrubby glove and a book, and walk down the hill to the jjimjilbang.

_______________________________

Taehyung pulls up behind my apartment in a pretty chocolate-colored Hyundai SUV. I give him a little bow, and climb into the passenger seat. A light mist is falling, but it's not raining heavily as I had feared.

"Hi, Eunen Sae-shi! It's good to see you. How was your day?"

I glance at his face, trying to read his eyes, but I can't tell if everything is OK or not. His voice sounds friendly and normal.

"My day was OK, nothing special," I answer. 'Nothing special except worrying so much I felt like I was going to vomit all day,' I think. "How about yours, Taehyung-shi?"