Closer than Ever

Chapter 44 - Road Trippin'

The next couple of days pass in a weirdly familiar way. We sing songs while we prepare and bake holiday pies, go for hikes in nearby parks with the dog, sit around in the evenings and play board games or read together in front of the fireplace... In some ways it seems like the last four or five years were a dream, and no time has passed. All that's missing is Caleb.

But as comforting and nostalgic as it all is, I miss Taehyung terribly, and find myself tearing up several times each day, wishing he was with me. We chat each night, after I go to bed, and catch up on everything that has been happening. I can tell he's not sleeping well by the dark circles under his eyes, though, and that worries me.

On Thursday, my family and I have a nice midday Thanksgiving meal, do a video call with Caleb, and then lapse into a collective food-coma on the living room sofas. I have the strange sensation that I would be completely relaxed and content if I wasn't feeling so impatient to get back to LA...

My flight is at 10 p.m., but I have to drive up to the airport north of Portland and return my rental car, so I say goodbye to my family around six.

"When are we going to see you again?" my mom frets as we all hug goodbye.

"Uh, next month, remember? I'll be here for a couple of days after seeing Caleb, mama. And after that, you're welcome in Seoul any time!" I say, kissing her cheek.

My dad pulls me into a one-arm side hug. "We just may get out there, finally. Maybe this summer?"

I grin. "That would be awesome! Please come!"

Emily squeezes me tight. "I'll try to come, too, so you can" and we both say together "introduce me/you to BTS!"

I shake my head and laugh. "We'll see, sis. I'd love to have you around, anyway!"

I give Barkley one final scratch behind his ears, and get into the car. My family waves as I start the engine, and I blow them all kisses. When I reach the end of the driveway, before I turn onto the road, I put the car into park and text Tae: On my way back, love! See you pretty soon! 😘

Traffic is really light, probably because everyone is having Thanksgiving dinner, so I get to the airport in plenty of time. Even the TSA screening takes no time, and I have a couple of hours to sit in the waiting area before we board. I can feel a song nagging at the edge of my consciousness, not fully formed yet. I decide to get out my notepad and sit at one of the coffeeshops to see what happens. I end up free-associating, just jotting little words and phrases: "two different worlds," "torn in two," "trees split in the winter cold," "lone tree," "tree of life," "tree of my life," "branches wrapped around," "arms wrapped around," etc. It's a little bit frustrating that the song won't go ahead and present itself to me yet, but I suspect that the next time I wake up from sleep it will probably be fully written in my head.

I pick up another rental car this time at LAX, so that we'll have wheels to go explore between the sets of Sofi concerts, and head back to Beverly Hills. I get in around 1:30 a.m., and find Tae lounging in the living room of my suite, looking bleary eyed in his t-shirt and pajama pants. We snuggle together for about ten minutes, catching up, and then I reluctantly peel myself away from him to go wash up. We climb into bed, and I feel such relief to be in his arms again; I scoff silently at myself, but can't deny how much I've missed him.

I startle awake in the morning when my alarm goes off at 10. Tae manages to sleep through it, lucky man. I lie there looking up at the ceiling for a few minutes, my mind blank. Then I roll over to look at Taehyung. His sleeping face is absolutely adorable, as always. His lips are gently parted and I have to resist the impulse to poke his cute little nose mole and cheek mole with my finger. Laughing quietly, I roll out of bed to use the bathroom.