Closer than Ever

Chapter 62 - Meltdown

That evening, Tae and I are snuggled up together on a lounge chair watching the moonlight play off the ocean below.

"This is so lovely," I say. "I'm sad that we have to go home tomorrow."

He strokes my hair and kisses the side of my head. "Maybe we should raise the kids here. They could just play in the sea and grow up with less stress."

I sit up and look at him in mock surprise. "How many kids do you have? Why am I just learning about them now?"

He scoffs at me. "No, I mean our future kids!"

I laugh, then suddenly choke and hop off his lap to run up and down the top ten beach stairs a few times.

He laughs humorlessly as I come back and look at him, breathing heavily. "Birdie, why does that make you panic?" His eyes look so huge and sad that I'm having trouble meeting them.

I exhale hard. "I don't know, babe. It is nice here. I just... I just... I don't know." I press my lips together and my eyes fill with tears. "It freaks me out to think about the future that way, I guess. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would love to have kids with you, but... but..." I exhale again and turn away for a minute. I turn back and look at him. "I think it freaks me out that I love you so much, and, and, I guess it makes me panic when I think about the future because I'm afraid it might not work out that way and..." I start crying too hard to speak.

Taehyung stands up and walks over to me. He pulls me into a hug, and rocks me from side to side. "It's OK. It's OK. I love you so much, and I will do everything a human can do to make sure that we're together forever."

I cry harder. "Are you sure you want to do that, love?" I say after a bit, sniffling and laughing weakly. "I'm kind of a basket case. I panic at the idea that we might break up someday, but when you say that we'll be together forever, that makes me panic too!" I chuckle and bow my head, hyperventilating again.

Tae sighs and chuckles a little bit. "It's going to be OK. And it's OK that you panic sometimes. I think you would be too perfect for me if you didn't have this one little problem!" He hugs me closer.

I scoff and try to pull myself together. "Thank you for understanding, sweet man. I really don't want to hurt your feelings with these panic attacks, you know that, right? I'm just not very good with all these emotions that are swirling around inside me." I turn my head and kiss his chest. "And now I feel like I'm ruining our nice vacation, too." I puff out a big breath.

Taehyung bends down and scoops me up in his arms. "Nothing is ruined. It's all OK. You're fine. We're fine. Don't worry about anything." He carries me over to the lounge chair and settles down again, holding me tight. "We'll figure it out together. Just stay by my side. We'll figure it out. I love you, my Birdie."

I lean into him and sigh, concentrating on slowing my heart beat. "I love you, Tae. You're right. As long as we're together, we'll be fine."

He squeezes me hard. "It's getting a little chilly now. Should we put our bathing suits back on and get in the hot tub?" I nod and kiss his chin.

By the time we're ready for bed, I feel more like my normal self. As Tae comes out of the bathroom, I look over at him and laugh. "Hey, did you ever measure my favorite chair, so we can get one, babe?" I ask.

He laughs and walks over to it, using his hand to measure the height of the back against his body. "OK, it's this high!" he says. He stares down at the chair for a long moment, then turns around and bites his lip at me.

I giggle. "Uh-oh. What's that look?"

"Before we buy one, we should check and make sure that it's multifunctional." He sexy-snarls at me, and runs his tongue out the side of his mouth.