Chapter 51 - Not the Same

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Tae and Hobi fly off to Hawaii to meet their families, and I cancel my ticket to Asheville and rebook my flight to Seoul for Monday

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Tae and Hobi fly off to Hawaii to meet their families, and I cancel my ticket to Asheville and rebook my flight to Seoul for Monday.

The chilly, grey weather is a bit of a shock, as our plane touches down, but the thing that really sends me into a flurry is the self-quarantine form, which demands to know where I will be for the next ten days. I picture being stuck in my apartment alone for that time, but then decide to just go ahead and write Tae's address down instead. I will have four days alone at the condo, and then he will get home and join me (which means my self-quarantine has to start over, too). 'I'd much rather be in quarantine with him than out of quarantine but unable to see him!' I think, as I hand the form to a customs official.

It feels good to be home, although the condo is really quiet with Taehyung and Lulu gone. I crank up the in-floor heat, turn on all the lights, and keep music playing all the time, but it still feels strangely cold, solitary, colorless...

Tae makes a stir at the airport when he gets back, showing up in a black fur coat, some Louis Vuitton shorts, and slides. There isn't any snow on the ground, but the weather is really cold for him to have his legs and toes sticking out like that. I look at the photos and shake my head fondly. A manager drops him off at the condo, and I find myself holding my breath as the elevator comes up, excited to see him.

He throws his ball cap, mask, and passport onto the couch and scoops me up. "Birdie! I missed you so much! Hawaii is still awesome - we need to go there together."

"I would love that!" I say. "Let's do it." We kiss as if he's been off at war for a year or something. Then I hear the elevator start up the shaft again.

"Who's coming?" he asks, surprised.

"Oh, I think it's the grocery delivery." I crane over and look at the screen, and see the security guard saluting. "Yeah, it's just some food, so we don't starve in quarantine." He sets me down, and we both gather the bags of groceries from the elevator floor and carry them into the kitchen.

He looks around and sighs heavily. "It's nice to be home, Birdie!" He grins at me. I beam back at him.

"It's nice to have you home, Tae!"

And I am so happy to have him back. Yet over the next day or two, it starts to feel like there is some awkwardness between us, somehow. We are back in our little cocoon together, but it feels like our relationship has shifted under my feet.

We are sitting on the couch a couple of days later, once he's recovered from jet lag a bit, working on a jazzy little song about falling for a girl who is dancing alone at a nightclub. The song is silly and fun, and it makes me giggle to be both the subject and the lyricist. Something is nagging at me, though, and I can't take the weird undertone between us anymore. I set my laptop down and turn my body to face Taehyung, studying his side profile.

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