Closer than Ever

Chapter 39 - Hope World

We're planning to work in the studio today, but Taehyung isn't really awake yet, and I want to stick around and make sure that he doesn't slip in the shower or anything on his injured leg. I make a second cup of coffee and sit down on the sofa. Turning on the TV, I idly flip through YouTube until I spot a video called "Kim Taehyung Says Hilarious Things with a Straight Face." I turn the volume down to one click above mute, turn on English subtitles, and hit play.

About five minutes later, Tae limps out into the living room, and finds me with both hands clasped over my mouth and helpless tears running down my face. "Birdie, what's wrong?!" he asks, his eyes suddenly fully open.

I roar with laughter. "Oh my god, have you ever seen this guy?! I love him so much!! He's hilarious!"

Tae looks at the TV, realizes what I'm watching, and ducks his head, a bashful grin on his face. "Birdie!! You scared me! I thought you were sad!" On the screen, he is claiming in an interview with Jimin that he has been recycling for 26 years, since he was born. I fall over sideways on the sofa, holding my stomach. Taehyung looks at me and starts laughing, too, then turns and hobbles into the kitchen, shaking his head.

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We're deep in pre-production mode, Tae seated and me leaning on his right shoulder while he works at the soundboard, when J-Hope knocks on the door and lets himself in. I flash back to the previous time when he walked in on Tae and me kissing, and feel a slight blush bloom in my cheeks as I turn and greet him with a headnod, "J-Hope-shi! Anyang!"

He nods back. "Anyang, Eunen Sae-shi, Taehyungie! Are you guys busy, or can you come and listen to a couple of tracks for my new album?"

I fall into fangirl mode instantly, "Oh, yes, I want to hear!!" I say, hopping in place and clapping my hands.

Taehyung looks up at me and laughs. "You're so cute, Birdie. Sure, just give me a second here, hyung." I wrap my arms around his shoulders and kiss his temple as he finishes moving one of the vocal fills.

When I straighten up, I see that Hobi is looking at me with wide eyes. "Oh, sorry about the public display of affection, Hobi-shi! It's just a habit!"

"No, no, not at all!" he replies, waving a hand in negation. "I just wondered how you guys get so much work done when you're... you know..."

I laugh. "Honestly, we might be more productive if I didn't want to kiss Tae all the time, but who knows? We still make a lot of music." Taehyung grins without looking up from the screen, and reaches around to hug me to his side with his right arm while his left hand is working the mouse.

J-Hope grins. "If it's working, don't change a thing!" he says, his mouth forming a heart-shaped smile, but hints of some unfathomable emotion in his eyes.

We all walk slowly down the hall to Hobi's studio, careful about Taehyung's injury. I haven't seen the place since Tae gave me the building tour over a year ago. The walls are now painted in a warm terracotta color, and it's busy with Kaws figures and Peanuts plushies.

"Oh, so cozy!" I say.

Hobi grins and winks at me. "I actually used some color, unlike most of the members. Welcome to Hope World!" He walks over and hits play, and a wall of treble piano blasts out of the phalanx of speakers on his desk. Driving percussion joins in, then his voice rapping insistently. Just when it is almost too much, the song shifts just for a moment to a more mellow, almost RnB vibe with echoing backing vocals. Then Hobi's voice comes back in, raspy and hard-edged, sing-rapping "What if, what if, what if, what if/ I had no hope? What if, what if, what if, what if/ I had no dream?"

Taehyung is dancing slightly in place, his hands making a gentle drumming motion on his thighs along to the beat. I am standing still, but bobbing my head, listening intently. Hobi keeps stealing peeks at each of our faces, evidently nervous to hear our reactions. Tae and I make eye-contact, both widening our eyes. The driving piano and snare feel like they're drilling into my brain, and the lyrics actually make me feel concerned for Hoseok. 'Is this what happens inside his head?' I wonder. The song drops down and just ends, leaving me shaken.