Closer than Ever

Chapter 86 - A Handful of Freesias

It's a dull, cloudy Friday on Wando. The baby is down for his afternoon nap, so I'm trying to wash the dishes really quietly and plan lessons for the first week of school in my head. I can feel a song nagging at the edge of my mind, but push it aside until I have time (and dry hands) to pick up my guitar.

A hesitant knock sounds at the door, followed immediately by a slightly stronger knock. I sigh and grab a dish towel, hoping the noise didn't wake Sol. He isn't crying, anyway, as I walk over to answer.

I feel him before I actually see him, and my heart jumps from my chest and lands at my feet. Kim Taehyung is standing at my door, his hands clasped behind his back, looking as terrified as I feel. I just stare up at him, open-mouthed, unable to even exclaim in surprise. He purses his lips and exhales loudly, then clears his throat, his eyes traveling over my face. He looks taller than I remember, somehow, sturdier, and very serious. His beautiful hair is shaved into a buzz cut.

"Good afternoon," he says quite formally. "Is this a good time for a visit?" His eyes look worried. "Am I interrupting?" He peers over my head into the apartment, probably checking to see if I'm alone.

"Uh, sure, no, I was just, uh, just washing dishes." I hold up the dish towel as evidence, then realize that that's stupid and put my arm down. His face is impassive. "Uh, please, come in. Welcome."

Suddenly I panic and ask him to wait a second in the entryway. I hurry into the living room and grab a stack of books, the baby blankie, a cardboard takeout container, and a teething ring, throwing them all into my bedroom and closing the door. 'Why am I doing this?' I wonder. "OK, come on in," I say again. I feel strangely incapable of looking at Tae.

He brings a large bouquet of freesias out from behind his back and shyly offers it to me. I feel my eyes filling up with tears. "I prepared this," he says. "Please enjoy them."

I am so overwhelmed that I sort of squeak out a 'thank you' and then turn and go into the kitchen to put them in some water. "Please be seated," I say, looking at him over my shoulder. He looks toward the love seat, but takes a chair at the kitchen table instead. I spend an unnecessarily long time carefully trimming the stems and arranging the flowers in my largest coffee mug. I don't have a vase. Really, I'm just trying to give myself space to process what is happening.

After a few minutes, I feel equal to the task of looking at him again, and say, "Can I get you a drink? Water? Cider? Whiskey?" He actually smiles a little at the options. "Water, please." I nod, and grab two glasses. 'No ice in his,' I remind myself, then well up with tears again. 'Get a grip!' I silently scold myself as I pour the water. I carry the glasses over to the table, then go back to the kitchen and bring out the freesias as well.

"The flowers are so pretty, thank you, Taehyung-shi," I say, setting them over to the side of the table. He nods, studying my face. "I, uh, I thought that you had a little more time on your military service?"

He raises his eyebrows slightly. "Ah, yes, I am on hyunga leave for seven days," he explains. We both gulp water. "I have about six months left."

For some reason, my heart sinks even though I already knew approximately when his discharge date would be. "How are you?" I ask. "You look healthy and fit. Is it... Is it difficult in the army?"

He sets his empty glass down. "It's OK. Basic training was hard. We have to get up so early every morning." I smile quietly. "Some of the other conscripts... don't try very hard."

I smile outright at this. "That would be difficult for a hard-working perfectionist like yourself," I say. Tae actually blushes, and I shut down again. I go over to the refrigerator to refill his water and to breathe.