Chef's Kiss | BUDDIE

Ho Ho Ho Holiday Season

~Buck's POV~

Doing vocal therapy was something I never thought I would do in my life. It was the most weird but neat thing I ever done. My therapist was from London and their accent was funny. I realized Eddie was right I didn't do a good British accent. He also gave me an iPad like device that if I typed what I wanted to say it would read out loud what I typed.

The other therapist for my drinking? Welll we didn't get a long much. She was fake nice I felt like telling us she's happy we started a new journey on the right path. Yet over time it got better with sharing with the group. Can't say names but this one girl said out of a rage in her drunk state she cut off her boyfriends eggplant. Her words not mine. When our therapist asked why she said because he touched her when she said no and he didn't listen. I mean hey I gave her a clap for that.

Also in my solo time with therapist she told me I was a person with sex addiction. I didn't believe was real and since we aren't allowed phones, only this iPad connects for voice text for me no internet access, I went to books. Who knew a tree turned into pages you could read? Very fancy stuff in these pages I've read. My favorite was self taught help books.

On the date that it's been a month Maddie visited me and I couldn't be more excited to see familiar face that I didn't mean in this place. She couldn't bring Jee but was allowed her phone only with the supervision of the nurses or as they acted and looked cops in dress up.
"She's gotten so big."
I said or more liked typed to the iPad as it read it out loud to her. I still couldn't talk right and it sounded hoarse.
"I know and she won't fit her clothes I felt like we just bought her."
I smiled as Maddie held her phone for us to see the pictures since I wasn't allowed to hold it myself. She went to picture and swiped to fast I waved my hands in face to get her attention. She looked up as I used the iPad to type.
"Go back."
"No it's fine you—"
I hit replay as it said again as she sighed and went back one photo.
There was Jee and Christopher on a swing. Jee was in the baby one since she was about to be one and Christopher was in the older one. In the corner I saw an elbow and knew that tattoo even with my eyes closed.

Eddie.

I almost reached out to it before typing to her.
"How are they? Chris.? Eddie?"
I looked at my sister as she put her phone on the table and touched my arm.
"No touching."
She sighed and moved it off my arm.
"They are good. Eddie didn't tell Christopher where you went. Says you're on vacation."
I went to laugh but groaned at it hurting as Maddie frowned.
"You okay?"
I nodded and picked up the water and drank it with the straw. Another con now I have to use a straw which makes it look like I'm the baby who can't even drink properly.

I put my drink down and then typed before it read it to her.
"I want to see Eddie."
Maddie smiled and nodded.
"I know you do Buck but you have to give him time okay? This is hard for him too."
I sighed as I ran my hands though my hair knowing she was right.

She picked up her phone again and held it out for a selfie. I rolled my eyes teasing as she laughed before taking the photo. When she set it back down again I saw the time.
"I got to go. In three minutes visiting hours are up.. but if I get head start I can get dinner before them."
Maddie chuckled and gave me quick hug before she stood up.
"I love you baby brother and happy Christmas."
I stood up from the table as I used my iPad again.
"Ho Ho Ho holiday season yay!"
I said sarcastically but it didn't translate it as she pushed my shoulder lightly. I went to speak with my real words I love you too but it felt like someone scratching my throat and I couldn't get the words out.

I watched her walk away before sighing and went back to the hall that led to my room. My temporary room. I didn't want food and I didn't want to be here but I was a month clean.

I laid on my bed as I fell backwards first as I sighed. My roommate was this Jewish guy as he was writing in his notebook. When we met he said he wanted to be the next Nicholas Sparks but for Achilleans audience. Confused at the title I asked what that meant.

That is how I found out from a Jewish man that Achilleans is when men loving men or relating to sexual and romantic intimacy between men, in the style of Achilles' relationship with Patroclus. Just like Sapphic is for Sappho being the first lesbian apparently. At least according to Josh the Jewish guy. I had no source of Googling this information but I believed him.

If I wasn't reading self help books Josh would let me read from his book. He wanted honest opinion and I told him it was awesome work. Even I didn't know who Nicholas Sparks was, but the books reminded me why I was here.

I wasn't here just for me but also for Christopher who didn't deserve someone who drank away his pain like my own father did to me. Lastly I was here for Eddie.

Eddie the man I loved and would forever love. Even if that meant I had to tell him a hundred and one times that I loved him too I would do it for a lifetime and even when we become ghost.

I rolled over to my side and looked at the wall as I closed my eyes and fell asleep with the sound of Christmas music playing down the halls.

I want to see you Eddie and I hope he wanted to see me too.