So that is how it goes for the next couple of weeks. Me and Ali text, mostly about how uni is going and occasional gossip about goings on at work and on campus. I spend my time studying and not going out anywhere. I swear I see Ali come back to the shared flat with Ryan again. Not that I care... but I kind of do? But then why should I? Ali seems to like Ryan at least for what they do together in the bedroom. And we're friends. Is that why? Is this jealousy? Jeez, am I that lonely that I would happily hook up with one of the few friends I actually have and risk ruining that?
Suffice it to say that my head is often a mess when it comes to Ali. We hang out every Friday and have breakfast. And it is no joke how much he is enamoured with breakfast food. I swear if it became legal for Ali to marry a bowl of hash browns, he would. Sometimes we go into town. Or wander around campus and chill out. He shows me pictures of a big black and brown Rottweiler called Athena and how much he loves that dog. He asks about home and I just stay aloof for the most part. I don't particularly talk to my parents or my sister or anyone I went to school with. So I just give him half-answers and I know he suspects I'm not telling him something. But that's how our talks go and we become friends. Proper friends.
Sometimes we'll come across each other at the Costa in Commons. Or I'll be meeting up to go over stuff with Erika and Quinn (who it turns out are taking most of the same modules as me) and he'll walk by and wave hello. Every time he does and Erika is there, she just gives me a knowing look and a wry smile and Quinn doesn't notice anything because they aren't the best with social cues and just accept that Ali knows me. Erika definitely knows I have a crush on Ali.
But then there are times I want to text Ali and ask if he wants to do something outside of uni and I come that close to sending that message but I don't because I panic that he'll take it the wrong way even though... why would he? Anxiety is an evil bitch and I hate it so much. I try so hard not to swear out loud but whenever I get to these points and I don't send the text I just throw my phone on my bed and scream "FUCK" as loud as I can.
At some point we follow each other on things like Instagram and I see pictures and videos of him out and enjoying himself with Dee and occasionally a story pops up clearly filmed by Dee or someone he knows where he's playing tonsil hockey with some random guy. And that is the most exquisitely devastating thing. It roils up so many negative emotions from what feels like nowhere but I can't help wondering what it is about me that makes me ineligible to be the one he kisses. Maybe he just wants to be friends. And that is absolutely fair. And I know he's a good friend. But I still get that pang of jealousy and... sadness? That's the weirdest part. I'm sad about Ali kissing someone that isn't me and I still have no rationale for it outside of the fact I have a crush on him.
I, Harvey Trent, the most hopeless gay in existence, have a crush on my gay friend and can't do anything about it but get jealous and sad when I see him kissing other guys.
Whatever telenovela I have been cast in, can the show roll credits already please?
It's about three weeks of this routine we've subconsciously built before one of us finally throws a curveball into it and it doesn't come from me unsurprisingly. I get a text on a Saturday afternoon, just after I get back from the gym that is about three minutes from the flat. It's getting towards the end of September and autumn is in full flow. The leaves on the trees are all turning reds and yellows and when the sun catches them in the right way it's almost like they're on fire and it's a little bit magical... perhaps Ali and his poetic tendencies are rubbing off on me. I check my phone as I'm unlocking my door.
Save me from my boredom pleeeeeease?! I'll buy you a pepsi :)
A
I chuckle and check the time. Half five in the evening. Shoot, I was meant to be meeting up with Erika and Quinn. Maybe they'd wanna go for food? I quickly fire a message into the group chat we've set up. It still feels weird being part of one. Especially when one of the people in it happens to message at the weirdest times. I still remember getting woken up at four in the morning by Quinn sending us an essay draft asking if the opening worked... that was a little surreal to say the least.
YOU ARE READING
Table For Two
RomanceHarvey Trent is just starting at Bath Spa University. He's come out to his flatmates because he doesn't want to hide anymore. He goes on a date within his first week and it goes... disastrously. The one saving grace is his server, Ali Doherty. Later...
