Table For Two

30 - Harvey

I... don't know how I am supposed to deal with this. So I guess we are going to take stock while I am sitting in front of Ali, too stunned to speak.

So I like Ali. Ali, surprisingly, likes me too. We've gone on one official date but we have been hanging out consistently for a couple months. I kissed him on the cheek and now we've been making out on his sofa because... well because I wanted him to kiss me and he wanted to kiss me too. But then things got serious and we started talking about... other things. I have never done that. I'm still a virgin and honestly, I've always been kind of embarrassed about that. Everyone made it into such a big deal in school but... well I was a massive closet case and kind of terrified of being outed so I didn't make many friends if any. I just kind of... skirted around the fringes of a lot of social groups so I sort of knew a lot of people and they knew my name, occasionally making small talk but barely anyone really knew me.

Not like now where I have people I talk to fairly regularly and hang out with. And definitely no one like Ali. And he's now sat talking about this. And he asks the one question I have been asking myself too.

"So... what does that make this?"

And the honest answer is... I don't know what this is either. Which feels ridiculous and like something out of a bad romance movie but... is it so bad to realise I am feeling so damn close to someone so quickly? Like we're... I hate the fact that the world 'soulmates' just lit up like a neon sign in my mind. But I don't say that. I am never going to say that. Purely for the fact that ever uttering that makes me want to cringe so hard that I might slip a disk. But I need to say something...

"I... don't know? This is the first time I've even really been..."

"Intimate with a guy?" Ali finishes the sentence for me. I just nod.

"Like... I've always known it's guys, y'know? But I just never..."

"I get it. You don't need to explain."

"Feels like I do."

"Harvey..."

Something in the way Ali says that just makes me freeze. It's then I realise he has his hands cupping my face. I desperately want to be kissing him right now but I know I need to listen instead.

"I know how rough it is to be the one holding back who you are in order to get through the day. Like, before I came out, it was like that for me. Suddenly being out just made it easier for me to swing for the fences when I was getting bullied. But I... I get it. And honestly, I don't really know what this is either" he says gesturing at the two of us before continuing "but I know I like it and being around you feels good and kissing you is like... some kind of divine intervention because I swear it's like kissing Paradise."

"Wow that's cringe"

He punches me playfully in the shoulder. I feign injury with my best melodramatic pain face.

"You are such an ass" he says as he then envelopes me in a hug and kisses me on the cheek. It feels good. He's warm and his fingers are in my hair again. I wind my arms around him and pull him flush to me.

"Just... do we need to label this?" I say into his shoulder.

"No... we don't. But just to be clear; I like you, Harvey" he replies as he kisses my neck.

"I like you too, Ali."

"Now are we actually going to finish this film?"

"Suppose we should. I'm pretty tired though."

"Did you wanna go lie down?"

"Like... in your bed?"

"Yes but I'm making it clear that I wanna sleep too and this is not some kind of cliché pretext straight out of a porn film."