Table For Two

53 - Ali

Waiting in the house on this specific day has always felt weird. Having Athena made things easier but it was still one of those days that you just dread. And then feel guilty about dreading it because how can you dread visiting where someone you love is buried? But of course you can because you loved them. Then there are layers on top of layers of other conflicting emotions and it is just one huge confusing and exhausting mess. The moment I am back in the house with Athena, I head straight back upstairs and change into the comfiest clothes I can find in the pile on my chair, adding one of Harvey's hoodies and then slump back downstairs, letting Athena out to do her business. I'm tempted to smoke but don't want the smell to cling to clothes that aren't mine. Then again, he never questions or queries me when I smell or taste like smoke... why am I suddenly having to have an existential crisis over everything? I hate feeling like this.

Once Athena is done, we head back into the living room so I can curl up in a ball with a blanket. I switch on the TV and head straight for the Alibi channel. And there's a 'Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries' marathon on. Perfect. I get comfy in my little corner while Athena sprawls next to me with her head on my legs. I completely veg out until mum and Harvey come back, bringing the smell of the chip shop with them and I am suddenly ravenous. Athena can smell it too and grumbles contentedly knowing that there are probably a couple sausages in there for her.

"Do you need any help?" I call out, half-hearted at best because I really don't want to move and Miss Fisher is busy being an equal rights queen by calling the laws of the 1920's an ass for not accepting gay people. We love to see it. Mum and Harvey both call out to say they've got it all in hand. Even better. Pretty soon they come into the room and oh my gods it smells like heaven. Mum has a piece of cod that looks like a meal and a half all on its own with a load of chips which I know from experience will be loaded up with more vinegar than any human should ever consume. She puts down a little side plate for Athena with a couple cut-up sausages as Harvey hands me my plate and I instantly notice something missing.

"Did you get gravy?" I ask mum. She instantly gets a guilty look until Harvey pipes up.

"I got a large. We can share" he says with a beaming smile.

"Wait, what did you get?"

"Same as you actually. I love a steak and kidney pie."

"Honestly?"

"Yeah!"

Mum smiles at us, at the weird excitement of our exchange. But then, we're just learning about each other still and it is something neither of us knew until now. Apparently I get excited when I learn something new about someone I love. Harvey slots down in between me and mum so we can split the gravy between us. One difference - I'm a drizzler, he's a dipper. This causes a heated debate but we both agree that mum is wrong about curry sauce being better.

"Well at least I don't have marmite and nutella sandwiches unlike someone else on this sofa" she says with a little self-satisfied smirk as I nearly spit-take while chewing on pie and Harvey wheels round to look at me dumbfounded.

"Please tell me she's joking" he says and I go beetroot red.

"It tastes good okay!" I say defensively with my mouth still half-full. He is still looking at me like I have two heads. Mum is too busy chuckling to herself.

"You're cancelled" Harvey says, barely containing his own laughter.

"Cancelled by my own boyfriend. I must now rebrand myself as a hard-line conservative" I say, feigning indignance. There's a period of quiet before we all erupt into fits of laughter, nearly upending our plates.

We manage to get through eating without further incident and then all happily veg out in front of the TV watching Miss Fisher be an unrelenting badass as she's foiling bank robberies and solving murders until we all start to get sleepy and the sun has started to disappear quickly. Mum heads to bed as she has work tomorrow and wants to be somewhat refreshed. Me and Harvey stay up a little later but we aren't far behind. Athena bounds up and heads in to see mum for once rather than following me.

Pretty much the moment we are in my room I collapse into bed and curl up ready to sleep. Harvey chuckles and gets changed. He's less guarded about it now. Not feeling like he has to hide so much. Once he's in boxers and a loose tank top, he clambers in beside me, looping his arm around my waist and pulling me close to him. I feel the warmth of his breath as his lips kiss and nuzzle the crook of my neck. I murmur contentedly as we fall asleep together, wrapped up in each other. I don't dream at all that night. I just sleep through.

It must be about five in the morning when I wake up since it's still dark outside and Harvey is asleep so his alarm hasn't gone off. I check my phone as surreptitiously as I can. Yup, definitely before six. And the last day of our 'reading week'. During which I have done no actual reading. Well, shit. I know Anastasia has set a bunch of reading to do and I picked up a couple poetry collections before the break started. Which I know I left downstairs. Doing my best to be sneaky, I slide out of bed and throw my dressing gown on before trying to crack the door open and instantly realising how loud the hinges are oh my gods what the hell? Why does a door have to scream when doing its job? I mean... relatable in a way but still shut up my boyfriend is sleeping!

I head downstairs and find mum having a coffee before she heads into work. I can hear Athena snoring from the sofa in the front room.

"Not like you to be up this early, love. At least not without being out with Dee the night before" mum says with a little wry smile. I stick my tongue out as I sit down next to her.

"Apparently going to bed early and sleeping the whole night means waking up at this ungodly hour. It's actually homophobic."

"Ali." Mum replies in her stern voice and I cringe.

"Sorry. You back on earlies this week?"

"Until Wednesday. Then off Thursday and back on nights."

"Okay. Do you need me to go get anything today? I don't have work and Uni starts back next week."

"I think Athena needs more dry food and just get some stuff for us. Whatever looks good. You know I'm not fussy as long as it's edible."

"Will do."

"You thought more about Christmas presents? Your nan has been pestering me."

"Not really. I have a list of books and other than that it would be money... which probably will get spent on books."

"I thought as much."

"Actually..."

"Yes?"

"Well... would Harvey be allowed to stay over Christmas?"

She goes a little quiet, running her thumb up and down the side of her mug. I know she prefers it just being us. Sometimes we go see nan at the home, if she's feeling up to it. We've never had anyone round. Not even Dee. So I knew this was a huge ask. She looks at me with those worried, tired eyes and gives me a sympathetic smile.

"Let me think about it, okay?"

That's about the best response she could give right now, all things considered.

"Thank you."

"Right, I need to be off. Be a love and wash my mug up."

"Fine" I sigh melodramatically and she playfully swats my shoulder.

"See you later."

"Bye, mum. Love you."

"Love you too."

When she leaves and I hear the front door close, I wash her mug up and sit back at the table, grabbing my books. I don't start reading anything though. I just sit there thinking for a little while. Thinking about Harvey. About us. It makes me smile. I just want to be with him whenever I can and in every way. It all feels so different to anything else I've felt for a guy. I check my phone again and it is nearly time for his first alarm to go off so I head back upstairs and settle down in bed alongside him, closing the door before I do. I love Athena to bits but I just want me and Harvey time this morning.

I cuddle into him as the alarm starts blaring.