Table For Two

33 - Ali

There honestly isn't much in the world that I can think of that feels better when you've had a little bit of a breakdown than a screaming hot shower. I don't know when I started doing this but honestly... it does make a difference. At least it feels like it does and that's better than sitting and stewing over all the tumultuous shit in your head. It's not 'til I get out that I realise I didn't bring any other clothes in with me and what I was wearing I chucked in the laundry basket in the alcove by the stairs... shit. I mean... it'll be fine right?

How wrong I was.

I get back to my room and I find Harvey gawking at a piece of writing I'd been meaning to edit for like the last week. It's the first time I think he has actively read one of my poems and uh... it seems to have gone straight to his crotch. Hey, I like writing that is a little bit slutty. Sue me. I grin a little as I speak, leaning against the door frame.

"Like what you're reading?"

He turns around and uhh... yeah, brain go bye bye. I know I was straddling him last night while we were making out but I guess I was a little too obsessed with the fact he is a good kisser and that he has to use a flavoured Chapstick because there is absolutely no way his lips can naturally taste like honey, right? But now I'm getting a clear view of him and... I want to congratulate myself for my restraint but I am staring and walking towards him and only just pull up short rather than barrelling him back into the desk and doing a whole list of obscene things.

I want to do so much. I want to grab his hands. I want to kiss him. I want to go so much further than we did last night. I want to feel his body against mine... but instead I just say:

"There's a fresh towel in the bathroom, if you wanna go shower."

Harvey stands there frozen for a few moments and I wonder if he was even really listening until he blinks, nods and then awkwardly shuffles past trying to cover himself. Once he is out of the room, I remove the towel and dry myself down enough that I can get changed. I go for comfort - which for me is a pair of ripped skinny jeans and a plain tank underneath a grey hoodie. I ruffle my hair which is still wet and just kinda goes everywhere. I need to get it cut soon. Turning towards the desk, I pick up the poem Harvey had been reading. Suddenly, his reaction makes a whole lot of sense. This was not exactly the first thing I would have shown him. I go to put it back on the pile underneath the Disney snow globe and the piece that was under it catches my eye... I'd forgotten I'd written it. The day before we went on our first date. And it is so blatantly about Harvey I'm very glad that he did not end up reading this one. I quickly hide it further down in the pile but make a note to go back to it later.

It's not that long before Harvey comes back in and he's shirtless but has slung on underwear and a pair of jeans. This is not the first time I've seen him shirtless but this time he quickly hugs his body and dashes to put a shirt on. I just tilt my head to the side and quirk an eyebrow at him. He looks up at me after throwing on a black and grey baseball tee that's a size too big and gives me a trademark half-smile as his eyes fall to the floor. I want to go to him and kiss him but I think that is probably not what he needs right now. Instead, I sit on the bed and pat the empty space next to me for him to sit. He does.

"You okay?" I ask. He sighs and deflates and I suddenly realise how stupid that question was. He turns to me.

"Just... some mental stuff."

"Like what?"

"Doesn't matter right now."

"Harv..."

"Ali. I really don't want to talk about it right now."

"Okay. Movie day? What was that film you said you were going to show me?"