Table For Two

66 - Harvey

Christmas was officially a shitshow. There isn't much else to say about it. I woke up with Athena snoozing on me as we parked up at Ali's. He and Sharon help me get my bags in and we kind of crash on the sofa. Sharon goes to the kitchen and starts cooking. I don't really feel anything. I cried so much with Matty that I'm just sapped of all emotion. I can feel Ali's warmth as he cuddles me and I am grateful for that - my rock of Gibraltar. I can't imagine ever being without him. Or Athena for that matter, her head lying in my lap as I absentmindedly scratch behind her ears. I sigh and turn into Ali a little.

"I'm sorry I ruined your Christmas"

"Harvey... shut up. You haven't ruined anything."

"I-"

"Don't you dare. You haven't."

"Doesn't stop me feeling like I have though."

"I know. But if I have to remind you every five seconds that I would do anything for you because I love you and it is impossible for you to ruin anything then I will."

I don't respond in words. Instead, I give him a half-smile like I always do and kiss him. He holds me so delicately, hands cupping my face like it's porcelain that he's holding together so it doesn't shatter completely, like the kiss is pouring gold into the cracks to keep me in one piece and even though I'm broken, he's still going to think I am beautiful and worth loving. And I cannot stress how much I would do the same for him right now. This is the other side after going through Hell. I'm out now. Completely and utterly. Not how I wanted to get here. But I'm here.

I stay sat with Athena as Ali goes to help Sharon make Christmas lunch. After a while, they call me to the table. We both move from the sofa and Athena has her own Christmas bowl prepared which she goes at happily. They've set up an extra place for me at the table, made me a plate and Ali is putting a can of diet coke in my hands as he pulls out my chair. I have never been more thankful. To him, to Sharon, to Athena, to Matty, to my aunt and uncle. I text Matty a picture of us all and he sends back a smiley face.

After we eat, we sit down and watch movies for the rest of the evening. Me and Ali go and walk Athena. Dee meets up with us and we talk about the whole saga of a day we've had. Much to my surprise, she gives me a hug and tells me that she'll help me plan my sister's murder... which I guess is her way of saying she is on my side so that's nice. We all eventually get too cold and head home. Sharon is curled up and napping on the sofa when we get back so we let Athena curl up next to her and put the throw blanket over her before heading upstairs to cuddle up in bed. The day might have been a disaster but... I honestly don't think it could end better; me in bed with my boyfriend kissing and telling each other "I love you" before falling asleep.

The next few days are pretty chill. Sharon has to go back to work so we are left completely to our own devices. I get a head start on some uni work which Ali does playfully poke fun at me for until Sharon points out he should do the same. Ali has a couple shifts and I go hang out in the corner of the bar for a little bit. Matty messages one of those days and comes to visit with his partner. Luke is really nice and actually really into films as well so we spent a good couple hours talking about European cinema over burgers. Harry talks to me one of the days and I explain that I got into a fight with my parents and now I'm not sure what is going to happen and he mentions he knows the guy that runs The Little Theatre and would be willing to act as a character reference if I wanted to apply to work there. I thanked him a lot for that. It would be pretty perfect for me. Ali thought so too when I told him about the conversation.

I am still worried about family things. My aunt and uncle keep in contact with me. My brother talks to me more now than he ever did before. I'm glad he is on my side but I told him to let me know if Katy ever tries to put him down. Because I am so beyond done with her bullying and I am not going to let her do it to him too. He tells me not to worry but... well, it doesn't stop me. As for my parents... I end up with multiple missed calls and unread texts. Apparently, they blew up about it on Facebook which is a very mum thing to do. It also got turned on her when Matty and Aunt Gina both put her on blast for trying to twist what actually happened and then I got a nasty voicemail blaming me for everything and ruining her reputation and destroying the family and pretty much everything just short of actual murder. That wasn't fun to listen to.

But Ali is there for me. So is Dee. And Matty. Sharon. Athena. My friends, even when they aren't around physically. They keep messaging me and checking in. On New Year's Eve, Ryan even came back over for a visit and checked up on me. Ali came with me - he still doesn't completely trust Ryan but things are better between us all. He tells us he's been talking to someone and he likes them but gets cagey about details when we press him. Well, I say we. I mean Ali. We hang out most of the day until the sun starts setting and Ryan heads off for his date. It is pretty sweet to see him actually evolving a bit as a person and improving himself.

When the night draws in and it gets closer to midnight, me and Ali head out to the top of Bath with Athena in tow. We pull over somewhere we can see nearly the whole city. On the drive over, I was on my phone and taking all my accounts on social media off private. It's the one promise I made to myself for the new year - no more hiding any part of myself. I just finished with the last of them and answered some random messages from people I hadn't spoken to in years before Ali motioned for us to get out of the car. It was freezing but so worth it. We stood at what felt like the precipice of the world as it ticked down to midnight and erupted in a kaleidoscope of explosions. Ali cuddled into my side as Athena sat in front of us.

"Happy new year, Harvey," Ali said as he kissed my cheek. I turn and kiss him back.

"Happy new year, Ali."

I'm still worried about everything to come. So much still needs to be sorted out - me getting a job, student loans, a place to live for summer though... I have a feeling Ali is going to make a suggestion on that front. And it is really terrifying as much as it is liberating. But when he holds my hand and smiles at me, it all seems possible. When he kisses me and tells me he loves me, it's like he is telling me that despite everything - the pain, the potential hardship if my parents try to make life difficult for us - we'll still be together. And... I think he's right.

I think we're going to be okay.