Table For Two

25 - Ali

I don't remember much of driving home. I just know I end up back at my front door with Athena nosing the door open as I unlock it. My mind is just in a loop. Harvey kissed me. Harvey kissed me. Harvey kissed me.

I make it to my bedroom and just collapse face first onto it and scream into my pillow. I lie there for a little bit just processing the entire day and then the absolute brain meltdown that was his lips on my cheek and my hand just goes up to trace where his lips had been. I take in a shaky breath and feel myself flush, thinking about how much I'd want him to kiss me properly and kiss me in other places. I pull my phone out and text Harvey to let him know I'm home. I start getting undressed and I hear my phone buzz. It's Harvey responding.

I miss Athena too. Date two electric boogaloo soon?

H

I smile and chuckle to myself as I grab my pills and take my dose. Scrolling through my Spotify playlists, finding the Heartstopper mixtape and letting it play out over my laptop as I lie back and close my eyes. Today was such a good day. And I do really want to see Harvey again soon. Another date. And I know that I'm gonna be the one to kiss him this time. Because I want to. So badly. I fall asleep and dream of doing just that.

The morning comes and Athena is on the bed nudging me awake. My vision is slightly blurry and I don't remember any of my alarms going off. I am definitely feeling a little like I'm cross-faded and like I'm wound a little too tight. I pet Athena with one hand while searching for my phone with the other. It's just a bit before 10 and I feel the urge to call in sick. It's not physically sick. I just know that mentally I'm not in the place for dealing with pushy customers. But I get up and go shower and get dressed anyway. Because I know I need the shifts and the money. As I'm tying my tie I look across at my desk and see the notebook sitting neatly behind my laptop, placed there so it's out of sight from my bed. It's something my therapist had me doing back when I just started on my medication - basically detailing where I was and what was happening when I had depressive episodes and panic attacks. This was back when I had just started working at Harrison's and had just finished my A-levels. Turns out, there wasn't a consistent trigger or noticeable pattern for them. Sometimes it's when there is a rush at work. Sometimes it was in the dead of night and I was waking up for no apparent reason before that tightness cinched around my chest and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Before I leave the house, I actually pick it up and put it in my bag. For the first time in a few weeks I've felt like having it on hand. So many thoughts are flying around my head. Not just about Harvey, though those are the good ones - little motes of light in that veil of shit that settled in my mind like a thick fog on days like today. No, instead my brain would go from Harvey to Ryan. To his room and how he told me to keep quiet so no one heard him screwing another guy. Then leaping just as quick through random faces of guys I'd been with. Then to my ex - the savant of manipulation. The way he used me like a goddamn toy to satisfy his needs.

I could feel the anger and bitterness starting to simmer in the pit of my stomach, caustic and rancid. It made me want to hit something or cry. But I try to focus on Harvey. On yesterday. On today and seeing him. God I hope I don't come across too manic. Dee sees me before anyone else does as I walk in and thankfully the morning has been quiet enough that she can walk with me to the back where we keep our bags and stuff.

"I was gonna ask what happened between you and plaid boy yesterday but fuck that off for now. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Dee"

"You'd say if you weren't though?"

"Yeah. I just feel a little... spread thin"

"Okay. Just come get me if you end up a little too out of it."

"Thank you"

"Good. Now that's done... Tell me everything."

She's like a gremlin gripping onto the sleeve of my shirt like a damn vice and I just roll my eyes at her as I gently pry her off.

"Unhand me, woman."

"Fine. But come on. The morning has been slow and I need gossip."

"Yes, we went on a date. It was fun. We are going on another when I can get my schedule from Harry."

"Good for you. Now come on" she swats me on the ass and I yelp a little "we got work to do."

I flip her off just before we get back to the floor and I head to the front of the restaurant and standing there like sunshine after a long night, smiling at me like I'm a work of goddamn art, is Harvey. And it takes everything not to throw myself at him.

"Hey. Just you today?"

"Hey. Yeah. I got an assignment due. Figured I'd get food and work quietly in a corner somewhere."
"That's fair enough. Follow me."