Table For Two

50 - Harvey

So... the night didn't end as I wanted it to. At all. But it ended up being okay. Eventually.

We sat and played Cards Against Humanity for an hour before everyone headed to bed. Dee camped out with Nia in her room and Ali didn't let me go until we woke up in the morning. We had breakfast together. Nothing as extravagant as what I made but we just sat in bed eating toast. Ali went and spoke to Ryan, apparently. And in the days that followed he apologised to me. We aren't friends by any stretch but we can get along okay at least.

Things weren't great. Ali stayed with me as long as he didn't have work and I stayed with him a few times. He's taken to wearing my hoodies or shirts whenever we are lounging around or in bed and it is all kinds of adorable. I love him so much it hurts sometimes. I start feeling better about losing it and lashing out. I've never done that before. And it kind of made me feel like a shitty human being. Even though people kept saying it was justified. Even Ryan said he deserved it when he apologised. But that didn't matter. I'd snapped and I hated myself for it. It took nearly a week for me to get back to feeling like myself again.

We ended up going on a group date to The Rec for Guy Fawkes Night. Me and Ali, Nia and Anwar (who we caught leaving the same room in the morning and shared a guilty look before admitting they had been together for a while now. Ali gave them a little shit for not telling us sooner but we still love them all the same) and Erika came with Quinn after they finally started to test negative for coronavirus. It was a really nice night. The food was great and there was hot chocolate and the fireworks were phenomenal and it just all felt really good. Like everything was going to be like this from this moment on.

I wish I had been right.

It was a couple days later and I hadn't heard from Ali much. He'd taken a couple more shifts than usual, I guess to keep busy and get some more cash built up before Christmas but I just wasn't used to the lack of communication. I'd asked if he wanted to hang out but he said he wasn't feeling up to it. Even his texts had lost a lot of their shine. I miss his little quips a lot. But I get I haven't been fun to be around recently so maybe he just needs some time.

Then I got a text from his mum, of all people, on Instagram. In the middle of the day. I don't even know how she found me but I can only guess she saw me come up on Ali's since he likes everything I post even though I rarely do... It's cute shut up.

NurseShazzaD: Hi Harvey, would you mind coming round today? I think Ali could really use a shoulder to cry on. Make sure you bring your coat since we'll be going out. Also, there's a few hoodies in the last load of washing I did that are a bit big for Ali. Are they yours?

Hope you're well.

Sharon.

Possibly the most mum message I have ever had in my life. But now I am slightly worried. I message her back.

ThatFilmCriticGuy: Hi Sharon. I'm doing good. Is everything okay? I can head over now. Also yes, they are definitely mine. Ali keeps taking them. I'll be about 10 minutes if I can get one of those e-scooter things nearby. If not... maybe 20?

I push away from my desk and pack my laptop up. My overnight bag is packed by the door. Like it always is. As I grab my headphones, I get a message back.

NurseShazzaD: Ah that makes sense. I'll leave them with the rest of his clothes then. Front door is unlocked. I'll likely be in the kitchen so just let yourself in. See you soon!

And with that, I am charging to the elevator and vaguely panicking about what this was about. Has something happened? Was Sharon okay? Was Dee okay? Oh no... has something happened to Athena? Fuck. I forgo the stupid scooter and start running. Just driven by pure anxiety and adrenaline.

I get there in ten minutes.

I am gasping for breath as I come through the door and drop my bag at the foot of the stairs before heading towards the kitchen, knocking on the frame to announce myself as I try to stop my lungs from spontaneously combusting. Fuck I am regretting running the entire way here. Sharon turns to see me standing there heaving in breaths. She doesn't say anything. She just points to the table and starts getting me a glass of water. Saint.

"Thank... you" I manage to eke out as my breathing starts to get back to being vaguely normal, taking the glass from her.

"I'm guessing you chose to run instead of walk or scoot" Sharon says and I just nod as I down the entire glass like a man dying of thirst. We sit at the table in a comfortable silence for a bit. I can't hear Ali or Athena upstairs but her leash is still by the back door so it's not like he's taken her out for a walk. They must be upset. I haven't had a text from him all day.

"So... what's up? Why did you think I might need to come round?" I ask. It's then I realise that she isn't in work gear or lounging stuff like she often is when I'm here. She's dressed in black trousers and a black blouse with a black cardigan... which is very funerial. Now I'm seriously worried but also baffled because I feel like Ali would have said if something bad had happened and Sharon is not going to be sat here like a mourner for dramatic effect. She clears her throat to speak.

"It's the anniversary of Vic's death. Ali's dad. We're going up to the grave. I just don't think Ali is particularly in a good place at the moment."

"He has been a bit quiet, if I'm honest."

"I think something has changed. He's usually so brave about seeing his dad's grave... maybe brave is the wrong word..."

"Mature?"

"Not quite that either."

"Stoic?"

"That's probably the best fit right now. Anyway, something about this year is different and I wondered if you would be comfortable going with us this time? He could use the extra support."

I just nod. It is a lot and it is quite a heavy subject. But this is what loving someone is, right? You love all of them - the whole imperfect, unresolved mess - you love the mess that comes with them because it is just the thread that makes the tapestry of the person you love. And I love Ali. I want to be there with him.

"Yeah" I say "I'll go with you both... if that's okay?"

"Of course it is, Harvey. Ali is so in love with you and I trust you with him. You are quickly becoming part of this family and I think you should be here for this."

"Okay... I'm guessing he's upstairs?"

"Yeah. Go on and take your stuff up. Try and have him down in ten minutes."

"I will."

I head up to Ali's room. I could probably do the walk blind drunk in the dark now. I knock softly before pushing the door open.