Table For Two

20 - Harvey

Sleep does not come easily that night. I toss and turn and the nagging noise in my head makes me want to cancel plans. Or to just eke out some tears. Or to rage until I'm so exhausted I can't move. I occasionally shift just enough that I can swing round and punch the pillow. It doesn't help any. I think I get some semblance of sleep but I don't imagine it was a particularly great quality or quantity of it. My alarm goes off at half past seven and I wearily groan as I roll over to slap my phone until it stops vibrating and beeping at me to get up. Once the room is silent again, I sigh. My head is still spiralling and I seriously consider telling Ali I don't want to do this. If he's going to tell me he isn't interested, he can text me and say that... but then I think about him for just a moment and I realise that would not make things any easier.

So I get up and I get ready for the gym. Thankfully, it's a 24 hour gym so I can just stroll in. The aircon is a little bit too cold for my liking this early and I wince as I head to the lockers. There's barely anyone in here thankfully. Then I turn around and see Ryan... why the hell he is in here so early I have no idea but right now, a reminder of who Ali has been hooking up with is something I do not need so I ignore him and head for a rowing machine. Unfortunately, I'm not psychic and Ryan seems oblivious to my "I want to be left alone so I can work some stuff out through exercise" vibe. He flashes me what he thinks is a winning smile and sits down at the machine next to me. I make a point of taking out my earphone as I nod up at him.

"You alright mate?" He asks in his welsh accent. I give a forced smile in return.

"Yeah. Didn't think anyone would be in this early. You?"

"Blowin' off some steam. Proper worked up since I couldn't get any last night, y'know what I mean?"

"Sure."

"You should come out with the rest of us one night. Have some fun. Might find a guy to hook up with, who knows?" He winks and grins. Gods what a stupid grin. I come so close to saying something about him and Ali or about him trying it on with me if he ever would but I just shrug instead.

"Going out doesn't interest me. Neither does hooking up."

Ryan leans back with his hands up in the air in mock surrender and huffs out a chuckle.

"Alright, alright. Just a suggestion."

I turn back to rowing, assuming he's going to either do the same or leave but he sits there looking at me still. I pause and turn back to him trying my damnedest not to go off on him.

"Something up?"

He rubs his jaw a little absently.

"You know... if you did want to hang out, no one else in the flat would have to know" he says and winks again and it is the most opportune moment for the song I'm listening to belt the line "Where do all these men find the AUDACITY?"

"Why would I care if anyone knew? I told you all I wasn't straight when we had that big welcome party thing."

"Just thought since you're pretty quiet and reserved about things that you'd prefer to keep it on the down low."

"And... you think I'd want that?"

"Just sayin'. I'm a little curious so it could be... mutually beneficial."

"Wow."

The sarcasm doesn't so much slip out as much as punch its way out of my throat looking for a fight. The nerve of this man is too much to deal with right now and I am very much not in the mood. He looks affronted. Good.

"Oh come on, there's no need to be like that."

"Ryan... do us both a favour and never talk to me like that again. I'm not interested in being a hook up for you or anyone else" I look around to make sure no one could accidentally overhear us as I drop my voice "and I know you've been hooking up plenty with Ali. You haven't exactly been that secretive for someone who is just curious."