Table For Two

34 - Harvey

This is how things go for the next few weeks. Me and Ali meet up at uni in between lectures and classes. Sometimes, he'll pick me up on his way through and I'll kiss him when I get in the car. This occasionally makes us late. On Fridays, we meet up at the SU for breakfast and I never fail to chuckle at the sheer volume of hash browns Ali can eat in one sitting. Some nights we hang out. We'll walk Athena and talk. Sometimes we'll hang out at his place and watch a movie. We also tend to end up making out when we do that. A couple times, I've stayed over. Nothing else happens but... I kind of want it to. Ali works most weekends so I go to the gym and catch up on work, hang out with Quinn and Erika or with Nia and Anwar. One night I met up with Ali and Dee for a drink before they went out clubbing. I didn't go with them but I did get a drunken voice note from Ali to let me know he was home okay and I could hear Dee in the background laughing at something.

Uni has been going fine. Essays get done, presentations and group workshops get completed, grades get issued. I'm working at a 2:1 apparently. One of the nights I stayed over Ali's was just us working on essays together which probably shouldn't have been fun but it actually was. Mainly because we were both laughing at our attempts to extend the word count so we made the 10% buffer. It has started getting actually cold and honestly, it's just meant adding blankets to our usual movie nights and coats to our walks. October definitely feels like a wickedly early winter rather than a rosy autumn. But it is leading up to one of the big student highlights of the year;

Hallowe'en.

My entire flat is throwing some kind of big party and there are going to be way too many people around for me to feel comfortable. Fortunately, Erika made me aware that there was going to be a horror movie marathon with a couple of people from the Film Society group. They'd been struggling to make up numbers so I said I'd go. It's on Hallowe'en night so I texted Ali a couple days beforehand as I was coming back from the gym:

H: Hey. Have you got plans for Hallowe'en?

A: Have I, your favourite gay twink, got plans for the one day of the year it is considered socially acceptable to be dressed like a slutty vampire? Yes, I do.

H: Oh okay. No worries then.

A: Why? Did you have something in mind?

H: Nah its cool.

A: Harvey...

H: (GIF of a woman sighing dramatically) Fineeee. I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me to a horror movie night.

A: Interesting tactic. Take me to see some scary movies and hope that I cower into you so you can cuddle me.

H: Please. I could just come and cuddle you now if I wanted.

A: Well maybe not when I'm working. Definitely not when I've been doing the pass with Harry since I got here.

H: Busy day?

A: Literal Hell.

H: I'm sorry.

A: It's fine. Back to your date request... I would love too but can Dee come? I did kind of promise I would go out with her.

H: I'm sure that's fine.

A: Cool! Should I pick you up?

H: And Erika if that's okay? Quinn is currently isolating because of the 'rona.

A: Ah nuts. Hope they're okay.

H: Said they felt like a zombie earlier which I guess is appropriate for this time of year.

A: Hah! Right, I gotta finish my smoke and get back on the floor. Talk later?

H: Yeah. Have fun x

A: I'll try not to commit a crime x

I chuckle as I put my phone away and head into the foyer of the building. Ryan is heading out of the elevator and puts his shoulder through mine and spins me out of his way. I come so damn close to going after him and confronting him but I take some breaths and head up to the flat instead. I'm seething angry. And things only get worse. The moment I step out onto our floor and into our shared accommodation, Anwar is standing there awkwardly shuffling about. He goes ashen when he sees me emerge from the doors.

"Oh... hey."

"Hey... are you okay?" I say, forgetting the burn vat of lava in my gut for that prick who just shoved me. Anwar is clearly worried about something.

"It's uh... Someone stuck something on your door"

I move past him and he immediately falls into step behind me. My door isn't that far down past the kitchen. I see it as we turn into the corridor. It sticks out massively and I can see the words on whatever has been stuck there - taped, judging by the silver rectangle border around it.

It's some sort of info pamphlet.

About Conversion Therapy.

What kind of sick fuck thinks this is funny?

I see Anwar flinch back as I rip the thing off my door and take a picture of it, sending it to the flat group chat with a message:

Harvey Trent: Whoever thought this was fucking funny might want to find some balls, own up and apologise. You've got a day. After that, not even God can help you.

I shove my phone back into my pocket and open my door, slamming it behind me. I'm immediately on my laptop and emailing the university student services. I'm so far beyond mad right now. But also massively upset. These are the first people I came out to. The first. And one of them did this. It is such a betrayal. I can feel tears threatening to fall. I take my phone back out and text Ali. I know he is at work but I can't deal with this right now. I sit at the foot of my bed, the pamphlet still crumpled in my fist, my knees pulled up to my chest and I just let myself cry. This is so fucking shitty and I can't hold all this anger and hurt in right now. I cry and cry until I'm empty and just that burn of anger is left.

Someone knocks on my door. I just look at it accusingly, as if whoever is behind it is responsible for this and is coming to try and apologise. But I don't move. I stay hunkered down in my spot until I hear a voice follow the knocking.

"Harvey... sweets, it's Nia. I get if you don't wanna talk but I've given everyone here a real ass-reaming over what you put in the group. Trust me if we find out who did it, they'll regret being born. Do you need anything?"

Thank fuck for friends like Nia. I huff out a weird, nasty-sounding mix of a laugh, a sob and a choke. As I force myself into standing, my phone buzzes. It's a text from Ali.

A: I'm coming over the moment I finish work.

I feel the smile blossoming at his words as I head to the door. The moment I unlock and open it, Nia barrels through and hugs me. She is one of those people where every hug is like a full body vice grip. I can see Anwar standing across the corridor still looking awkward as hell. I beckon him in and he just waits behind Nia while she finishes trying to merge my spine with my sternum. She does eventually let me go and she drags me to the kitchen. I look back and Anwar follows us in.

I am made to sit down with Anwar while Nia makes us all a brew. Not that I particularly want to be sitting here right now. I'm still about one half-joking comment away from rage smashing something into a wall. But I sit anyway because I know Anwar and Nia are just being supportive friends right now. Nia brings the mugs over and hands one to me and Anwar before retrieving her own and sitting down next to me, resting one hand on my shoulder and squeezing gently while giving me a sympathetic smile. I half-smile back but it is fleeting. There is too much anger rolling around inside me right now for the smile to be meaningful.

"We are going to find out who did it, sweets" Nia said with certainty. Anwar nodded in agreement. I sighed, a mix of frustration and anger and a fragile sadness that threatened to drown me if I didn't keep it in check. I don't even feel like I'm really there right now - it's like I'm just lost inside my own body and I hate it because I can hear Nia and Anwar trying to be reassuring but I'm not really processing it. I'm just sitting here, hands cupping a mug and just wanting the earth to swallow me.