Table For Two

17 - Ali

Well... this is certainly a fucking situation.

I was hoping that Harvey coming to the restaurant to keep us company would be a good idea. The fact he was bringing more than just himself was even better because it gave me something to do other than friend-flirt with him. And now... yeah, this is not something I was expecting to have to deal with and judging by how the entire table reacted, neither were they. Harvey could barely get words out but honestly I was already making my retreat, with the most insincere smile I've ever achieved up like a shield in front of me as I all but sprint away from them. I can feel Dee giving me a look and I just don't respond to it. My brain is currently trying to race the Large Hadron Collider - what can go faster? My mental health spiral or a subatomic particle?

I must be looking like shit because Dee abandons her bar and does the serving herself. I just go out the back and have a cigarette and try and figure out how the fuck I am expected to respond to that... how am I meant to rationalise that?

Harvey, the sweet and shy boy that I have been hanging out with for the last few weeks and totally developing a crush on and I suddenly find out that he apparently has been doing the same and now... where does that leave us? I don't know. Why didn't he just tell me? I know his first date didn't exactly go stellar. Has that put him off dating at all? But his friend said he'd been pining. Pining! And what about me? I'd been doing my thing and hooking up with people including but not limited to one of Harvey's flatmates... oh fuck what if that is why he didn't say anything. Fuck, this could literally be. All. My. Fault.

Well that's another facet to this that I really don't like. So let's review:

Harvey, apparently, likes me.

I definitely like Harvey.

We are both incapable of actually vocalising that or even so much as texting that to one another.

I've been hooking up with Ryan, Harvey's flatmate and making out with guys on nights out with Dee. And putting it all over social media. In other words, signalling to all and sundry that I'm not interested in Harvey.

And now I find out while I'm at work and it has been blurted out when clearly Harvey didn't want it to be or wasn't ready to say anything or whatever the excuse will be.

How, by every deity ever worshipped, are we going to deal with this?

It's not long before I leap out of my skin as Dee comes bursting out the back door.

"Fucking hell! What?" I snap, way too harshly. And I regret it instantly. Somehow Dee manages to avoid smacking the taste right out of my mouth and instead just looks at me with no small amount of worry.

"You good?" She asks. I choke on my cigarette laughing. That seems to be enough of an answer for her.

"Look. Harry is in the back doing the books. I told him you had to step out because you needed a minute. He said it's cool. Just don't be out here too long or I will call Sharon on your ass."

"Oh no, you're gonna tell my mum on me. How will I ever cope?" I respond, dripping in sarcasm. But it comes out a little too quick and too rash and I see the way she shifts to one side and sets her hand on her hips. Uh oh.

"Yeah. Because both of us have been there when you spiral too far. And I know you well enough to know that you're at the top of the helter-skelter right now."

I sigh. She's right. But it's not that bad. Yet.

"You know I will text you the words if it gets bad. I'm fine. Honestly."

She gives me a smile, I somehow muster one to give back as she heads back inside. I decide to quickly finish my smoke and go back to the war zone... fuck, I am dramatic. The moment I step back in, Dee calls me over and we swap roles - she does floor, I do bar. I don't mind too much. On one hand it stops me having to interact with Harvey but on the other, we just can't seem to avoid catching each other's glances and as time moves on it begins to get really irritating. Fortunately, a few people come in and sit at the bar, mercifully putting a wall up between us so I can focus on something... anything else.

At some point I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I deliberately ignore it because if it is Harvey then I'm gonna turn into a sassy little asshole and that is not how I need to do this. So I make drinks, Dee serves and eventually she cashes Harvey and the others out and they leave. I swear I see a shape in navy blue hovering in the doorway hoping to get my attention but I do everything I can to not look up until they go.

It gets to closing time and Dee offers to walk home with me but I say I'm fine. I walk by myself and barely acknowledge anything or anyone as I head back. I think even Athena knows something is wrong. The moment I am in bed, she shuffles up beside me and nuzzles into the crook of my armpit with her big head and basically forces me into giving her a cuddle. She makes a sympathetic sounding noise and licks the side of my face. After lying there for what feels simultaneously like a few seconds and roughly half a year, I check my phone. There is a message from Harvey.

Hey. Can we talk about... that. Maybe when you have a sec in the week?

H

I don't answer back.

We don't meet up the next Friday either.