Table For Two

64 - Harvey

I don't remember getting a text back from Ali. I don't really know how long I cried for. The first thing I really remember noticing is the smell of a cigarette drifting towards me, followed by the warmth of a jacket being draped across my shoulders. I turned around to see Matty kneeling next to me, pulling me up to sit me on the bench. In the distance, there was a muffled argument happening from the dining room. If we could hear that this far down the garden then it must be a full on screaming match inside the house. Matty just blew out a plume of smoke.

"So" he began and I winced instinctively. He put a hand on my shoulder "I want you to tell me yourself if you want to. I'll pretend that didn't happen because you deserve getting to tell someone in your own words."

I turned to look at him. He was being genuine. He was smiling at me, all empathy and understanding. I didn't say anything, I just threw myself at him in a hug which he caught holding me up as I sobbed again. Once that waved passed, I cleared my throat, trying to find my voice.

"I'm gay. I have a boyfriend. His name is Ali. I love him." I say meekly. Matty gives me a tight hug and ruffles my hair.

"I'm proud of you, kid. And I am so fucking sorry if I ever made it seem like you wouldn't be able to talk to me about this stuff. I mean... fuck, it shouldn't have been on you to be the first one out" he says, running his hand through his hair. I raise an eyebrow at him and he sighs. Getting out his phone. He unlocks it and his background is him and another guy, dancing together in a club, smiling at each other.

"That's Luke. He's my partner."

Well, shit.

"Wait... so you're-" I begin, not sure how to finish that sentence.

"Pansexual. Luke is Bi. We've been together for a couple of months. What about you and Ali?"

"I met him right at the start of the semester. I guess it's been a similar amount of time to you and Luke."

"Is he a student too?"

"Yeah. But we didn't meet at uni."

"Okay... please tell me it wasn't on Grindr" Matty says looking a little horrified.

I just laughed and told him... everything. We sat out there for what felt like ages and he let me talk about Ali and just get everything out. It was the freest I had felt since coming back home for the holidays. Matty listened and laughed and joked with me. He made me feel normal. The broken feeling slowly began to ebb away. After a while, I let out a sigh that just seemed to expel the last of that defeated, lost, ugly sadness Katy had caused but I still... I couldn't understand.

"Why did she do it? Why does she always have to put someone else down like that? Why is it always me she feels like she can get away doing it to?" I vent. It's something I had wondered for years now and I still couldn't figure it out.

"Okay I don't want to know how long she has been making you feel like shit because I already want to pitch her underneath a combine harvester. But she honestly doesn't have an excuse. Even if she had some massive well of insecurity and self-doubt, that does not give her a pass on what she just did or anything that went before it. Personally, I think she came out of the womb evil. Some people just do in my experience."

"So she did it just because she could?" I say somewhat incredulously.

"Yup. And I know that fucking sucks to hear. But some people just bully others because they can and there is no rhyme or reason other than they are shit human beings."

I consider this and... it does honestly make a lot of sense when he says it. She hadn't had anything bad happen to her. She was privileged, she was popular, she was smart, guys liked her, girls idolised her. Maybe she was just that twisted. I sigh, resigning myself to that fact as I look down at my phone and see the message from Ali.