Ghost of a Nonentity (NOTHING SERIES #2)

Chapter 33

---

Aalis na sana ako ng mapatingin sa kamay niya. It was unintentional, bigla na lang talaga napunta doon ang tingin ko dahil sa pagkamot nito sa leeg. Iyong may singsing na kamay ang ginamit niya. Napatitig ako doon dahil sa nakitang singsing.

All the bitterness again crept into my system. I looked at him coldly bago walang sabi sabing nilampasan siya.

Kasal na siya.

May singsing ang ring finger niya. That just means he's already married. And I'm guessing... it's with his fiancé before. Napailing ako at mapait na natawa ng makapasok sa sasakyan ko. I closed my eyes and leaned on my chair.

"He married her. Talagang pinaglaruan niya lang ako noon." I whispered to myself.

Puno ng sakit ang boses ko. Gusto kong umiyak pero walang luha na lumalabas sa mata ko. Which isn't helpful dahil mas bumibigat lang ang dibdib ko. He's married with her.

He married her.

Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin maintindihan bakit ginawa niya iyon. If he's playing and exploring before marriage, why me? Bakit ako pa ang napili niyang biktima noon? Bakit ako pa ang niloko niya? Ang hirap lang isipin na ganon ang ginawa niya.

Hindi ko matanggap na naloko ako. I never trusted someone easily. Hirap akong magtiwala. So I didn't expect that the person I'll trust would end up fooling me.

Ang sakit talaga.

Hindi ako nakaalis agad sa parking lot. I stared in front, at nowhere exactly. Matagal ako doon na natulala at hindi alam ang gagawin.

I just can't accept the fact that all the pain is coming back. Mas dumoble pa ito sa naramdaman ko nung nakaraan. I don't like it. I don't like this.

I realized, maybe the reason why I'm having trouble moving on from the past, forgetting, and living in peace, is because... I knew I was so close to achieving a life I have never had and always wanted. A life full of calmness, a life that's not lonely.

I was so close to that. With Gage. But with what he did, all those dreams and hopes were ruined.

Everything has been ruined.

Napaigting ang panga ko at umalis na doon. Hindi pa sana ako matatauhan. Nasulyapan ko kasi si Gage na papalapit, nakabukas na ang ibang butones ng suot na uniform, mukhang pauwi na.

I looked away, hindi kayang tignan ito dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman.

Wala ako sa sarili habang nagdadrive. I just found myself in front of a club.

Napabuntong hininga ako bago lumabas na ng sasakyan ko. Maybe liquor can help. This is a different club now. Hindi na iyong una na pag mamay ari ni Denzel. Ayokong maistorbo ng isang iyon.

Nakakairita rin siya.

This club is known for hard liquors. Like really hard, even the party music is so loud. Masyado ring malaki ang dance area because this focuses on partying.

Pumwesto ako sa isang vacant table. It feels weird having a big space here, even if I'm alone. Mabuti at halos wala namang pake ang mga tao dito. They're all busy partying even though it's still so early.

I immediately ordered hard drinks. Iyong nakakalasing agad. I want to get drunk! I want to forget!

I waited for it to be served. Hindi naman iyon nagtagal kaya uminom na ako. I watched the people at the dance area, planning to go there once I'm also drunk.

Sanay na akong uminom mag isa. This is one of my getaways for the past years.

Uminom ako ng uminom ng alak, not stopping until I felt dizzy. Mahina akong natawa sa sarili. I feel so pathetic for doing this, but I can't help it. This is the only thing that can help me.