With Him | Bucky x Reader | Enemies with Benefits

-61-

TW: THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS ARE GONNA BE PRETTY HEAVY, MENTIONS OF LOSS, DEATH, AND SUICIDE SO BE CAREFUL BUT I'M PUTTING THE WARNING HERE TO KEEP THE FLOW OF THE STORY. BE CAREFUL <3

Y/n's POV:

A couple of days had passed, and Buck had been sent away on another mission, leaving me alone with the rest of the team again. Without him, my nightmares had been worse than I could ever remember (but I wasn't about to tell him that) and I had been waking up with my head over the toilet bowl each night.

"Wanda!" I yelled as another blanket was dropped on my head, blocking me from seeing the TV screen. "Pete, can you help me take this off?" I asked, fumbling with one hand as I continued steering the controller with the other.

"No way!" He yelled, "You cheated earlier, I'm not helping a cheater."

I scoffed in reply. "Who would cheat at Mario Kart?"

"You!" everyone yelled in reply. 

It was too early in the morning for this, Who wakes up at 7 am to play Mario Kart? Me.

"I took a shortcut. They wouldn't have added it to the game if they didn't want you to use it."

"She makes a good point..." Vision mentioned before being hit in the head with a cushion by Wanda who was using her powers to both steer the controller and rearrange the living room.

If that isn't cheating then I don't know what is.

"Y/n." Steve called out as he entered the room.

"I'm a bit busy!" I yelled, the finish line in sight.

"Can you come to my office when you're done? As soon as possible please." He said before walking out of the room with a grim expression on his face.

Shit
What had I done?

I went through a checklist in my head as I walked down the corridors to his office: I hadn't broken any vehicles since last month, I hadn't used anything up in the kitchen without putting it on the shopping list for the week after, I hadn't cheated at Mario Kart. 

What could be wrong?

"You should sit." He said monotonously, not making eye contact.

My head ran through a million possibilities, was there any chance that this could be good news? 

I sat down in the blue velvet chair that sat opposite his desk. His office was a comfortable place with a calming atmosphere. It was minimally decorated, with a few pictures of his friends from the War, a couple of the whole team, and one of me and him on a jog in Central Park but that was mostly it. 

His desk was messier than normal, like he had rushed to get some information, three closed files were placed in the center with tabs sticking out of them and his pens which were usually placed neatly in a pot were currently scattered across the surface.

Steve himself didn't look too great either. He looked as if he hadn't slept at all last night and his usually neat hair was still ruffled like he hadn't had any time to fix it. What the fuck was going on?

"Y/n," His calm demeanor was actually quite worrying. I didn't want him to be calm, if he was going to be angry with me he should just get it over and done with. "I'm not quite sure how to say this." He continued, pinching the bridge of his nose and letting out a weighted breath. 

"Given the nature of your budding...friendship with Bucky, I wanted to talk to you before I talked to the rest of the team."

What the fuck.
What was going on?
Why did he pause before he said "friendship"?
Why did he feel like he needed to talk to me first?
When did he find out?
What the fuck?
What the actual fuck?
Did I say "What the fuck?" yet?

"As I am sure you're aware, Buck is currently on a mission with Sam." No Steve, I didn't notice the heart-shattering, vomit-inducing nightmares that had plagued my sleep since he left. 

Steve was now looking me directly in the eye as I tried not to give away any emotions, I didn't know how much shit we were in yet.

"That mission was supposed to last five days and four nights," He resumed, sighing again. "Unfortunately there has been a new um- obstacle."

Shit.
"Wait, what?" I gasped lightly, my hands releasing the necklace Bucky had given me that I hadn't realized I'd been rubbing between my fingers "Are they okay?"

Steve broke eye contact again, not replying.

"Steve, tell me what happened." I demanded, my voice cold and stern.

"Last night, an attack was launched on their base."

I sat still in front of him, begging him to continue. To tell me that they were okay. That Bucky was okay.

"Hidden HYDRA operatives jumped them while Bucky was on watch and Sam was asleep, luckily he managed to wake him in time. Sam returned to the compound early this morning, he is currently being treated for bullet wounds and burns in the hospital bay." Steve explained.

While my heart hurt for Sam, I needed to know that Bucky was okay. Maybe I was a shit friend, but Bucky came first in my mind. He came before everyone.

"The details regarding this mission were confidential, for obvious reasons, so you won't be aware of the fact that the mission was located in northern Russia. The HYDRA base they were watching was in a remote location in the middle of the forest. Far from other civilizations."

I actually did know that much, Bucky always kept me informed on his missions so I wouldn't worry about him. Look where that had gotten us.

Steve looked me directly in the eyes, his face expressionless, his gaze deadly serious, something dark swimming in his eye, emotion threatening to pour out.

"Bucky didn't return with Sam. He is officially missing in action. It is unlikely he will return."

(965 Words)