With Him | Bucky x Reader | Enemies with Benefits

-69-

Y/n's POV:

Steve had come to the doctor with me a couple of weeks ago and by now I was already six weeks along.
I hadn't seen Bucky in almost four.

The days were difficult, that was to be expected. What was even worse was how quickly my mood fluctuated, I would be laughing with Nat and Wanda one minute but then I would remember that I wasn't allowed to do that anymore. 

It felt wrong, to be happy when Bucky was gone. I felt guilty for each smile, I felt like I wasn't grieving him enough, my heart was ripped to shreds, but it didn't feel like enough for him.

So that's where I was at. I was just sitting in our room in the dark and looking out the window at the stars, the silence acting like a warm blanket that quietened my thoughts. It was nice.

When I looked down at my stomach, there was the tiniest bump. The others said they couldn't tell when I'd asked them about it but I could. I was sure Bucky would be able to too. 

"Bucky would be a great Father," I thought, he took such great care of me when I had bad cramps or when I was feeling down. He would take out children to go get midnight milkshakes at Terry's (even if I told him that they should all be asleep). 

He would teach them how to actually have fun in the pool like the time he forced me to join him when all the others were asleep.

He had dragged me out of bed at midnight and made me race him, play games against him, and just relax with him. All things I had never been allowed to do as a child, things I couldn't remember doing without him.

He was all that consumed my thoughts, it was 'Bucky, Bucky, Bucky' in my head all day long. It took all my energy not to burst into tears but I held them in, just like I had over the last few weeks. 

My sickness had only gotten worse too, combine morning sickness with perpetual nightmares and you don't get many fun mornings. I was exhausted and struggling to keep anything down, without Bucky it was less than ideal.

 The door to the room opened a little, letting in some light from the hallway. I didn't bother locking it unless I was asleep, the others sometimes came in and brought me food or drinks. Sometimes they just came for a chat, I was trying so hard not to push them away.

The person stepped into the room.

"Y/n?"

I turned my head towards the voice. What?

"Y/n?" He said again, his voice weak and shaking.

I pushed myself off the ground so that my back was to the window. "Loki, I swear to God if you don't get out of my room right now..."

The familiar figure tilted his head to the side, appearing confused.

"Loki. Get. Out." I begged through gritted teeth. How could he do this to me again?

"Y/n/n?" The figure moved a leg to take a step toward me.

"Stop," I asked again, pushing back the tears that welled in my eyes.

"What's wrong, Doll?" 

Oh my fucking God.

No. No, this couldn't be happening.

"Y/n? Are you ok?"

No of course I'm not ok. What the fuck?

Bucky took a step towards me, opening his arms and I ran towards them.

I ran into his chest, fists ready as I started to hit his chest over and over again, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"How could you?" I screamed, "I hate you. I hate you so much. You left me!" 

He was forced to take a step back as I hit him repeatedly, not saying a word.

"You promised that you wouldn't leave and you did! You left me here without you. You left me alone."

I felt the energy draining out of me.

"I hate you so much. I hate you. I hate you. I-" 

I felt Bucky's hands wrap softly around my wrists, pulling them into his chest. "Shh," he said, pulling me into his chest too, and kissing my forehead.

Oh my God.

"I know, Y/n/n. I'm sorry." He whispered into my ear, stroking a hand up and down my back. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I shook my head into his body. "No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hitting you, I'm sorry for saying I hate you, I'm sorry, I just..."

"Don't worry, Doll. I understand, I get it." 

His shirt was a mess, it looked like it hadn't been washed in - I don't know how long, and now it was covered in my tears as well. 

Was he really here? Was he actually holding me? Was I imagining it?

"I-" I began, lifting my head up from his chest to look him in the eyes. I had missed his eyes. "I have to say it. And I don't care if you say it back, but I can't go any longer without you knowing it."

Bucky smiled and nodded at me. I had missed his smile.

"I love you." I whispered, the weight of the world lifting off my shoulders.

"I know, Y/n/n." He grinned, a twinkle in his tired eyes. "I love you too. So much. More than you know. More than anybody could ever love somebody. I love you so much. I am in love with you. You are the most important person in the world to me. I love you so much Y/n Y/l/n."

I was silent. 

"I love you, Doll. I don't ever want you to doubt that, I don't ever want you to forget it. I have never loved anybody like I love you, I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. You are mine, Y/n/n. You are mine to love forever, until the day I die and every day after that. Nothing will stop me from loving you, nothing, not ever."

Oh my God. Bucky was back. He was here. And he loved me.

"I love you." It was all I could say. There was nothing else to it, he had already said everything that I could think so that was all that was left, that I loved him.

"So you said, Doll." He chuckled, "I think I might need to grab a shower, but you should get into bed, I'll be out in a bit, ok?"

I nodded as he released me from his arms.

"Ok. I love you." He repeated, a grin painted over his perfect features.

"I love you too." 

He was actually here. Bucky was really back. He was home.

(1075 Words)