With Him | Bucky x Reader | Enemies with Benefits

-80-

Y/n's POV:

"I shouldn't have let him leave." I said, pacing in circles on the floor of the library while Nat and Wanda sat on the plush, leather couches in the center of the room. "I should not have let him leave. I shouldn't have let him leave." 

"Y/n-" Wanda interrupted my obsessive train of thought. "Please stop walking around us, you're making me feel seasick." 

I stopped just opposite them. "I shouldn't have let him go." 

"I think you said that..." Nat mumbled while snuggling deeper into the cushions. 

"Actually, I think she said-" 

"He's not going to come back. I just know it. I've lost him, haven't I?" I started to panic, walking towards them and sitting cross-legged on the floor, raking my fingers through the soft rug. "Something's going to happen, I can feel it." I told them as they shared a glance. 

"Y/n." Nat began sternly, but calmly. "It's going to be okay, he's gonna be alright." 

"How do you even know?" I continued over her, the words tumbling out of my mouth at an uncontrollable rate. "It's happened before, what's to say it won't happen again. He could get hurt again..." 

"The chances of it happening to both of you were low, the chances of it happening to him yet again are about a million times lower." Wanda assured me, "Bucky will be back before you even notice he's gone." 

I doubted it. My night alone would be plagued with nightmares and my mornings with morning sickness, even after all that I wouldn't have Buck's warm arms to wrap myself in or his comforting voice to make me feel better. 

"You know what? I don't even want to think about losing him again," I mentioned, moving up onto the sofa to meet their eye level, "And I would say 'I don't understand why he went' but I do, so I can't even be mad. 

"It's because you care about him." Nat began before I interrupted her. 

"Yeah no shit Sherlock, we're engaged and I'm carrying his baby." 
Ok, maybe I rudely interrupted her. 

"Maybe you should get some sleep, it's getting pretty late." Wanda added, pointing to the darkening sky. 

I was not looking forward to trying to sleep tonight. I knew I was in for a night of tossing and turning in my bedsheets, hearing the sounds I didn't want to hear, maybe even seeing pictures from the night. Recently my nightmares had been becoming more graphic. I had heard about pregnant people having strange dreams, but I had not realized what it would mean for me. 

"Yeah, sure." I mumbled, standing up and preparing to leave the room. 

"Alright, I hope you sleep okay without him." Nat smiled sadly. 

I just shrugged. 

"Goodnight." Wanda said before hugging me and heading off to bed herself. 

I ambled back to my room slowly, knowing what it would mean when I fell asleep. 

As the noises of gunshots and fireworks filled my head, the blackness of my vision was almost a comfort for once. It was better than seeing him, my brother, lying on the ground in front of me as blood poured out of numerous wounds like a deadly fountain. 

Every so often, one gunshot – or firework – would be louder than the others, and even in my sleeping state, I would feel my body flinch at the sound. 

That's when it started to happen again. 

The image flickered into my view for mere seconds at a time, but even that was too long. I didn't want to see Adrian dying in front of me. 

The gunshots grew ever more frantic, just like they had that night when they had realized that they could kill one of us. 

The flickering of the picture became even more frequent, eventually looking more like a video. I refused to believe these were my memories anymore. They couldn't be. It was a movie that I was watching. I didn't know the man fading away in front of me. 

I noticed something new as the scene played out in my head over, and over, and over again. I noticed him flinch with every new bullet. I saw his body jerk. His eyelids clench in pain. 

Until he didn't. 

Until he died. 

For once the gunshots faded away. The sound was completely gone; I was alone with my brother in the quiet. Just for a minute. 

The view had become still, more like a photo than anything else. 

But not just that, every once in a while, it changed. Not for long enough to make out anything to help me figure out more than just the basic image. 

A different body. 

Shot dead in a hallway. 

(786 Words)