With Him | Bucky x Reader | Enemies with Benefits

-65-

TW

A/N
You guys are going to love this chapter.
OK I'M SORRY

Y/n's POV:

By now, everybody was awake. I had yet to face them.

I didn't know if Wanda had told anybody about last night, I hoped not.

As I lay wrapped up In Bucky's bedsheets and clothes, I heard my stomach rumble and I rolled myself out of the bed.

Without Bucky here, everything felt mechanical and programmed. Like I wasn't making my decisions, they were happening for me. I couldn't wait for him to get back. He would get back.

As I walked slowly down the hallways, the sounds of my teammate's voices filled the building. I could hear Steve's low laugh. I heard Thor as he protested against something that Tony had said. I heard Peter's laugh as he watched something on the TV.

Nobody commented as I entered the room draped in Bucky's jumper and sweatpants. Thank God.

Nobody stopped their conversation, Thor just smiled at me as he watched me grab a plate and steal one of his Pop-Tarts (an offense that was usually punishable by death. Or a trip to the local supermarket to replenish the supply).

Over the silence of the room, a voice drifted from the TV.

"I love you." - Amy Santiago

"Noice. Smort." - Jake Peralta. "I love you too."

I love you.
I never said I love you.

I dropped the plate I was holding on the floor and it smashed at my feet. 

I never told him I love him. I never told Bucky that I love him and now he is gone. Bucky is gone. He doesn't know I love him.

My breaths started to quicken and I started to take slow steps away from the group of superheroes who were all looking at me with concerned faces.

Bucky is gone and it's my fault that I never told him I love him.

*Bucky!* I screamed to him in my mind, trying to regulate my breathing as my back hit the cold metal door of the fridge. *Bucky! James!*

I slid down the fridge until I was sitting on the floor with my knees pulled into my chest, trembling feverishly.

"No." I whispered, tears pouring from my eyes, the heart that I had tried to keep in one piece shattering and falling to the floor with the remnants of the plate from earlier. "No. No. No. No. No."

Natasha took a step towards me, reaching for me with open arms but it only made it worse. I needed Bucky. I needed his help, his arms, his voice, his reply.

"Please don't be gone. Please don't be gone. Bucky, I need you. Please come back." I whispered, running my hands over my head and almost pulling my hair out.

"Y/n/n..." Wanda attempted to approach me.

He called me that. Bucky called me Y/n/n.

It was like a knife had been stabbed into my chest and was being twisted around every second. I was in actual physical pain at the loss of him. I needed him with me. Even having him hate me again would be better than having him gone.

And with that, the silent tears were gone and I burst out into huge, explosive sobs. My voice was ripped out of my throat at the volume of my screams, reaching my arms around my body and trying to hold myself like he did as I fell apart on the floor.  Rocking back and forth until my head hit into the door behind me.

He danced with me in this kitchen.
He cooked me dinner in this kitchen.
He held me in this kitchen.
He kissed me in this kitchen.

He was missing from this kitchen.

I wanted to be with him. I wanted to protect him. I wanted to die for him. 

What was I supposed to do without him? How was I supposed to go back to my bedroom where we had spent so many nights? How was I meant to sleep in sheets that smelled like him without him being there? How was I meant to wash those sheets if that meant I lost the last part of him I had?

"Bucky..." I sobbed, begging for him to answer me. 

"Bucky. Bucky. Bucky..." I repeated his name over and over just to have him in the room, stuttering and stumbling over the letters as I fought for my sanity.

Everything else was gone. Nobody else was there. In my mind, It was me alone with Bucky. He sat on the floor in front of me. His blue eyes looked into mine, a smile on his face. He was so perfect. So pretty. So kind.

He reached out for me with his hand but it passed through my leg.

He was so gone.

He left when he promised he wouldn't. He said "I promise I won't leave you." and now he was gone. He had left me bleeding out on the kitchen floor for everyone to see. I needed him and he was gone.

All I could do was cry and wait for the pain to end. I remember losing my parents, it wasn't even a fraction of the pain I was feeling for Buck. I remember losing my brother, it still couldn't compare.

He was the last one. He was my last person. I didn't want to love anybody else. He was my endgame. My final destination. My paradise. My Bucky.

As exhaustion racked my body, my sobs became quieter. My breaths slower. My mind clearer.

I looked up to see all of my friends in front of me. Tears in each of their eyes.

"I love him." I told them, "I love him so much and I never told him. I don't know if he loved me back but..."

"He did." Steve cut in, crouching down to reach my level. "He loved you so much. He never shut up about you. He's loved you for so long, he didn't even need to tell me."

I sniveled and wiped some of the tears from my face as I looked up at Steve again for reassurance. 

"I swear, Y/n." He promised, speaking lowly but clearly. "I'd never heard him speak about somebody like that. Ever. He loved you so much. You were his person.

Tears washing over my cheeks again, I cried out quietly, my voice cracking, "He was my person too."

"I know. I know." He muttered into my head as he pulled me into his arms, rubbing his firm hand over my back in reassurance. "Now, can I fix that?" He asked, pulling away and pointing to a wound on my foot.

"You stepped on the broken plate." Supplied Nat as she noticed my confused look, "You probably just didn't notice, don't worry."

I didn't even hear the end of her sentence, a numbness had taken over my body once again. Bucky really was gone. He wasn't coming back.

(1099 Words)