Here With Me - A Formula 1 Story

Feels Like

"So, Ezra?" Charles asks as we start walking to the track.

"Just ask me what you want to know Charles." I tell him with a sigh because there's no point in not answering his questions. He would probably find out one way or another.

"How old are you?" He asks first and I bite my lip to prevent myself from laughing. I don't know what I was expecting him to ask first but it wasn't that.

"I turned 30 in February." I tell him and watch him closely, seeing how he reacts. His eyes widen in surprise but I'm not sure why.

"And Ezra?"

"He'll be 16 in December."

"So you were only 14 when you had him?" He asks with interest and not with judgement, for which I am thankful. I tend to get judged pretty harshly when people find out that I was a teen mom.

"Yep, funny thing is I conceived him the day I turned 14 and it was my first time even having sex." I laugh because it's honestly absurd. Who gets pregnant the first time they have sex? We even used a condom, which is the ironic part. For a long time I cursed myself, thinking I must have done something horrible in a past life to deserve this life, but then I realized that Ezra is the best thing to ever happen to me. Sure, I lost pretty much everything at the time, but I've gained so much more than I could have ever imagined. It's been an extremely difficult life that I don't wish upon anyone but I would do it over and over again if it meant I got Ezra.

"That's....wow, Lydia. That's a lot. Is his father around?" He asks with curiosity and I try to ignore the way he said my name. It was the first time he's said it.

"He bailed the second I told him I was pregnant. Everyone bailed on me. My friends, my family..." I trail off, stopping to look at a large mural painted in the walkway we're in. I realize after a moment that it's of Charles' Formula 1 car, I can tell by the number 16 displayed proudly on the side. I smile as this moment turns surreal. Never in a million years did I think I would be in the Ferrari Academy headquarters building, with the number one Ferrari driver next to me asking me questions about my life.
     

Charles isn't looking at the mural with me though, he's looking at me. I turn my gaze to the side and see sadness in his eyes and a moment later his arms are around me and he's hugging me tight. For a moment I stand frozen, not really sure what to do. Ezra's the only one who's hugged me this way for the past 15 years. It takes me a second to relax but when I do, I wrap my arms around Charles and he squeezes me tighter against him. He holds me for what feels like hours, but it's merely only seconds before he releases me.

"What was that for?" I ask curiously.

"I don't know, it just seemed like you could use a hug." He replies and I have to turn away from him, because he doesn't know how true that statement is. I'm starved for physical touch. Don't get me wrong I've had my fair share of hooks up and the occasional boyfriend but once guys find out I have a kid, they go running like I told them I have a STD or something. All of the guys I have hooked up with were never serious either, they never made my pulse quicken, they never made me feel safe. I try to ignore when my brain tells me I feel those things with Charles.

"So what about you? What's your sob story?" I ask as a joke, trying to make the mood less tense than it has been but when I look over at Charles I realize that I'm not the only one who has had a tough life. His eyes look so sad as he looks at me, and I immediately regret my statement.