Here With Me - A Formula 1 Story

Wildest Dreams

Timeline: Summer break 2024

It's officially summer break and we are heading to Portofino, Italy. It's so surreal to be spending another summer break with Charles especially after the year it's been. I'm thankful everyday that we finally figured our shit out because I can't imagine not being with him.

We are looking forward to the next three weeks of relaxation with our friends and family. Hopefully we can spend some quality time together with no interruptions and maybe...possibly...finally, make a baby. We've been actively trying since February and each month that we don't conceive is like a little stab to my heart. I've been praying that this month will be the month that it happens, even though it's probably wishful thinking on my part. But, I have been more tired lately and this morning my yogurt made me feel nauseous. Deep down though, I know I'm not and that just makes me sad.

"What's going on with you?" Morgan asks me as she gently hits my foot with hers from the seat across from me. There's a group of us flying in Charles' jet for the short flight to Italy. Morgan, Jeremy, Ezra, Arthur, Lorenzo, Charlotte and Pascale are flying with us. I pull my gaze away from the window and look toward her, schooling my features with a soft smile so she can't see the sadness that's enveloping me.

"Nothing." I reply with a laugh and Morgan's eyes narrow on mine. She knows I'm lying and I can tell she wants to bug me more about it, but we're interrupted by Pascale who comes to sit beside me. I involuntarily tense when she sits down. Things between us are much better now but there are still times where I feel like she doesn't like me.

She knows Charles and I are trying to have a baby because he accidentally let it slip a couple of months ago when we were having dinner at her house. I swear every time she looks at me now it's like she's secretly saying 'I told you so'. But instead of anger of not being able to give her son a child, I only see pity and that's 1000 times worse and makes me feel extremely stupid for thinking I would have no trouble conceiving.

"Are you ready for some sun?" She asks as she pats my hand that's resting in my lap and I smile, or I try to. It probably looks more like a grimace.

"I am! I think it will do me some good. You know what they say; sun, salt water and sand is good for the soul." I reply a bit too cheerily and I see Morgan narrow her eyes at me in my peripherals as Pascale smiles at me sweetly while squeezing my hand.

"Perhaps it will be good for your womb as well." She leans in and whispers so I can only hear and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I don't bother responding to her as I stand abruptly and excuse myself to go to the bathroom even though I have no use for it at the moment. As I walk towards the bathroom, I pass Charles, who is playing chess with Arthur. He's watching me carefully though and I know he just saw what happened. He tries to stop me by grabbing my arm as I walk passed him but I sidestep him, worried that if I stop to talk to him the tears I'm forcing myself to hold in with begin to fall.

When I reach the bathroom, I lock the door and take a deep breath to try to center myself. It takes me a couple of minutes to calm down enough to be able to go back out to the cabin and I feel like a complete idiot for getting upset in the first place. Pascale didn't mean any harm in what she said. I'm just overly sensitive about the situation due to what she's said about me in the past. As I open the door to rejoin the group, someone makes their way into the bathroom with me and I'm confused until I realize it's Charles. He looks annoyed and in turn that makes me annoyed.

"What are you doing, Charles?" I ask as he closes the door and locks it, leaving us standing only a foot apart due to the bathroom being so small.

"What did my maman say to you?" He demands and I sigh in frustration. Everytime his mother says something to upset me, even if she doesn't mean realize she's doing it, he gets defensive over her and I don't really want to deal with it right now when we're supposed to be happy that it's summer break.