let the light in | jack hughes

Chapter 44

[June 12, 2023]

Jack

Since starting my medication and moving back in with the boys life has been a little tricky but I want to get used to the craziness before jumping back into my hectic schedule. I'd love to relax for as long as I can but I know that if I don't ease myself into this it'll overwhelm me and make my "unsteady" emotions come back. Dr. Graham told me to stop calling myself moody, so I try my best to change my vocabulary. 

We were up late last night so I took the liberty of sleeping in a little longer, the boys respected my wishes in sleeping in a bit after convincing them I wasn't going through another depressive episode and that I was just tired. 

After a few more hours of sleep, I finally decided to get out of bed and meet the boys downstairs. I rub my eyes adjusting to the light, walking down the stairs in some flannel pajama pants my mom got me for Christmas. "Morning Rowdy," Quinn chuckles, saying morning even though it's definitely past twelve now. "Morn-" I say looking up to see Trevor sitting at the table. "-Ning," I finish, going into the kitchen to grab some breakfast.

I'm a little taken aback by Trevor being here, I thought he was coming later today. I grab my cereal and bring it to the table sitting far from Trevor. It's hard seeing him so tan, and happy looking, knowing he was with Bea this whole time. Trevor sits at the end of the table with his hands around his coffee mug, catching up with everyone as I avoid eye contact.

"What do you guys say we have ourselves a little boat day?" Alex says, looking at all of us for our input. "I'm down, I need to work on my tan," Trevor jokes but we all look at him like he's insane because Trevor is already golden like he was just in I don't know, Greece! I roll my eyes, heading upstairs to put on my swim trunks before meeting the boys out front.

 I step outside to see Trevor waiting for me on the back porch. He's texting on his phone when I turn the key to lock it since I'm the last one out of the house. "Shit, you scared me," I say, just trying to not be so awkward. Trevor types something on his phone, hitting the send button before tucking it in his pocket. "Sorry, was just waiting for you," he says before walking with me to the dock. 

We get on the boat letting Alex drive while Quinn, Luke, and Trevor open up a few bottles of beer. I stick with a can of soda, closing my eyes as little droplets of water land on my face and arms. Trevor hits shuffle on a playlist but when the song ends I look over and ask, "Can I queue a song?" he passes me the phone, opened to the search section of Spotify. 

I look at his recent searches to see one called "t & b" I click it to see the playlist cover and see a picture of Trevor holding up one of Bea's legs around his waist as her hands linked behind his neck. Jesus fuck, I click out of it putting on 'When The Sun Goes Down' by Arctic Monkeys. I hand him his phone back with an unsettling feeling in my stomach. 

The thought of them having a playlist together makes me feel like I'm about to break out into hives so I finally break and ask, "So where were you? You usually get here late May," Trevor puts his sunglasses over his eyes as he chuckles and says, "Nunya" Cole and Alex laugh but Quinn and Luke both stare at me like I'm playing with fire. Which I am, but I want him to be honest with me. We're friends. 

Why won't he just fucking admit it? Surely he knows I followed Beatrice's spam account so I saw him on there, and commenting on how good she looks. He hadn't posted anything on either of his Instagram accounts, not even an Instagram story about what he's been up to. I know he probably thinks he's so sneaky but he's not, I caught him. 

I nod my head, running my tongue along the inside of my cheek as I scoff. "That's rich," I say sounding like a bitter teenage girl. "What are you trying to get at, Jack?" Trevor says lifting his head, taking his sunglasses off, and tilting his head to the side like I have no idea what I'm talking about. "Never mind," I say before going off to the other side of the boat to cool off.