let the light in | jack hughes

Chapter 81

[May 25, 2024]

Jack

journal entry

If you asked me who was living in my body a year ago I would say I had no clue, because as far as I'm concerned that wasn't me. That virus, that parasite is someone so astronomically different I don't even recognize him. This version of myself, the one I am today is exactly who I want to be. I'm kinder to those around me, I'm not so hard on myself, and I let myself ask for help. It doesn't make me weak to need some help. 

Better yet, I'm off my meds. The doc said that if I feel like I don't need them anymore I could start weening myself off of them, and I do feel like I can start that process. I am so content with my life it's incredible. I have a great schedule where I wake up with my girlfriend- whom I am so going to marry. That's final!-  I journal for a while, then we go downstairs to make some breakfast for everyone because we don't trust anyone else's cooking. Then we get on the boat or go to the beach, or just something together. 

I did all of this last year but everything is drastically different. Beatrice, Beatrice, Beatrice. I will forever be indebted to her. She is everything to me. 

What else means everything to me? My teeth! I got it fixed, I got my fucking tooth fixed and I feel so much better. It makes all the difference to have it like before, I just hope it doesn't get knocked out again. I know Bea will still LOVE me if I lose it again. 

OH YEAH FORGET ABOUT THE TOOTH! Beatrice Jae loves me. She told me on my birthday. It's been eleven days since she said those three perfect words and I have yet to stop saying it knowing she'll say it back. I'm milking those words dry. The other day we were brushing our teeth together and we locked eyes in the mirror. She had to turn away from me because she couldn't stop smiling and the toothpaste was threatening to spill out from her mouth. 

I spit my toothpaste out and rinsed off and wrapped my arms around her, whispering how much I loved her over and over again. Even as she rinsed her mouth out and gargled her mouthwash. I love her through all of the simplest things. Through walking on the beach, through making breakfast, even when we're sleeping. I love her so much. 

-

"Jack, Bea, foods ready!" Trevor yells from downstairs. I lock eyes with Beatrice before even thinking about getting up. "Don't make that face, he said he learned." Bea says, getting out of bed and walking over to me to pull me away from my desk. I trust my best friend but not enough to eat the food he made. I take Bea's hand and walk down the stairs with her.

As I make my way down the stairs I take in a not-so-awful smell. The closer I get the better it smells. Could it be? Did Lila make him a good cook? "Morning Z." I say with furrowed brows because he looks like he has this whole routine down. Trevor Zegras has gone domestic. 

Beatrice hands me a plate as I stare at him in awe and load my plate with bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, and French toast. Bea grabs the syrup and silverware, taking it with her to the table as the rest of the group comes out of their rooms to eat. We thank Trevor but I wait until trying everything. He could be trying to give me salmonella for all I know. 

I feel a jab to my ribs as I analyze the eggs. "Thanks, Trevor." I say, putting the eggs in my mouth and chewing them slowly, just trying to make sure they're not going to kill me. Holy fuck! I grab two slices of bread and shovel some eggs and bacon onto it to make a sandwich. I bite into it with a groan, making Beatrice giggle, hiding her smile with her fork. 

Real shame Lila couldn't come out for my birthday now I feel like I need to meet her. I feel like I owe her my life. Back during our ntdp days he'd make the team breakfast and take out our best players. They'd get so sick they'd be bedridden for a game or two. Crazy how much has changed, not even his boyfriend Jamie could make him venture outside of his French toast comfort zone. 

I stop making weird faces every time I put food in my mouth and just enjoy it. Beatrice asks Trevor about Lila and from there he doesn't shut up. I have to remind him to take a few bites of his food or it'll get cold so he'll shove some food into the sides of his mouth and chew as fast as he can just so he can keep talking about his girlfriend. 

I can't tease him too much because I'm just as bad. 

-

We take the boat out for a quick ride just to take in our last few Michigan memories before going to Greece. Beatrice is wearing a pastel yellow bikini with colorful starfish all over. Her long blonde hair is flowing down her face and her shoulders are already beginning to be littered with new freckles. I didn't get to enjoy this last year so every single time a new freckle pops up I point it out because of course I have her whole body recognized and I notice when something is different. 

She closes her eyes as Cole recklessly drives the boat. "I am still Checo Perez!" he cackles before finally slowing down so he can grab himself a drink. The sides of Bea's lips turn up as she listens to us bicker over football quarterbacks. "You don't even know what you are." I say, after he switches up over three different teams. As I take a sip of my beer Cole snaps his head over at me. "Who do you think you are, I am."

Beatrice finally breaks out into giggles as she calmly mumbles, "Joe Burrow is cute." This statement makes Cole howl as I snap my head over at my very relaxed-looking girlfriend. "I said that out loud didn't I?" She scrunches her face up in regret as she pries an eye open to look at me. "Y-yeah you did. What is that all about?" I tilt my head to the side as she covers her mouth with her hand. 

"Nothing honestly." she puts her sunglasses over her eyes but I'm quick to pull them away and tease her about this. "No speak your truth, the choir is listening." Trevor says from across from us. I extend my hand away from her, highlighting the space in front of her to say, "By all means, the floor is yours." I rest my cheek against my fist with an overly enthusiastic smile. 

She groans as she reaches for her seltzer but just like with her sunglasses I pull the can out of her reach and tell her to go on. "God, I just think he's handsome. That's it!" she says, snatching the can out of my death grip. "More handsome than me?" I look at her before my friends all turn to look at her. "No Rowden." she says, closing her eyes and ending an argument. 

Thank God we settled that. 

I'm more handsome than Joe Burrow, that's what matters. 

That's what it comes down to. 

The rest of the day is spent soaking in the sun and cool water with my best friends. Beatrice bans us from talking about football for the rest of the evening claiming she'll give us a five-minute major for fueling the fire. We definitely don't want to be penalized by my girlfriend, so we move on to golf until she falls asleep on my leg. I cover up her half-naked body with a thin blanket we had nearby and talk about the Kelces and Braxton Berrios. 

Once I feel her start to wake up, we switch the conversation as fast as we can. "So Taylor Swift," Cole says, making a sleepy smile appear on her face. "I love Taylor Swift." She grumbles, as I push any stray strands away from her beautiful face. I love making her smile. I love that she's comfortable with me. 

I won't ever forget this feeling. 

-

a.n// HI MY LOVES!!! First things first thank you so so much for 100K on my second baby! This book means so much to me and it was the first book where I planned and thought out everything. From backstories to the future to the tiniest little details. I've worked so hard on this, and I want to thank you guys for reading.

This book and Cardigan is why I am so set on rewriting Glitch. She deserves better! 

I love you guys endlessly, please tell me your thoughts and feelings!!!!

The next chapter will be them in Greece, it's a little weepy but mainly wholesome!

Stay safe, stay kind, and DM me if you need anything!

Love Lottie 💐💐💐