let the light in | jack hughes

Chapter 45

[June 23, 2023]

Jack

Since our miniature fight and miscommunication which ended with us smoothing things over, Trevor and I have been hanging out and chilling like we did before Beatrice. He'll even tell me how she's doing despite that conversation they had when they were together. She's right, I don't deserve to know how she's doing, but I'm glad she's doing well. 

This makes me feel better about what I wrote in my letter to her in my journal. She's okay, and that's what matters. Maybe soon she'll be more than okay, but this time with me with her. None of the stupid distancing, awful timing, her breakdowns, or fighting. We'll handle all of this better this time. I know how to fix all of this.

We landed in Montreal, Cole's home away from home last night. His buddy, Nick picked us up and took us to Cole's apartment. "Thank Suz, we'll go golfing soon," Cole says, fist-bumping his teammates before walking us inside and showing us around. "It's not much but it's home," he says sounding like Linguine when he showed Remy the Rat around his apartment.

"It'll do," Trevor says, looking around before taking a seat on the couch making me laugh and appreciate the friendship we patched up. "Whatever go to bed, we got a race to go to tomorrow!" Cole says, letting us crash in the guest room. When we walk in I immediately put up a pillow wall making Trevor chuckle, "What?" I say and he shakes his head, "Nothing, dude,"

[June 24, 2023]

The smell of rubber and engine exhaust fills my senses making me scrunch my nose up until I get used to the smell. I have on a cream henley shirt with some black pants and my white sneakers. I try fixing my hair but at this point, I just have to get it cut. Trevor takes us to this random tent where we can grab some 'swag' as he put it for today. 

"Z, what team are we rooting for?" I ask not having the tiniest clue what teams are good or bad.  Trevor shrugs his shoulders, "I don't know, just put this Mclaren windbreaker on, we'll have a little outfit change later if we don't like them," Cole and I look at him feeling so wrong to swap teams in the middle of the grand prix. "That's so wrong, Z, but whatever," I laugh looking at all the hats presented on the tables.

"Wait what about Redbull?" I ask and Trevor scoffs, "There's no way a drink is going to win Rowdy, let's be honest. Mclaren sounds the best but just in case let's grab this Aston Martin combo. Both Cole and Trevor grab the zip-ups but I grab the vest and the hat. I put on a hat with my jacket zipped all the way up. Before walking up the steps a cameraman that recognized Cole asked if he could take a picture of us. Habs legend. 

We say sure as he snaps photos of us walking up the steps happy to be here. "Alright, I'll tag you!" He says before airdropping the pictures to Cole so he can post them on his Instagram. He thanks the guy who took the picture of us. We walk to this secluded area near the track with stands. There's like turf around us and a few chairs underneath umbrellas. 

After ten minutes of being here in the sun, Trevor starts looking around us before spotting a bar. "You guys want to grab a drink?" he asks getting up to start walking. "Sure," Cole says, getting up and walking with Trevor. I follow them even though I won't be drinking. Trevor and Cole now know about my meds and therapy but sometimes they forget I can't drink. 

I still feel kind of embarrassed to be on medication, I'm not sure why, maybe it's the internalized toxic masculinity. But also being the only one not drinking something makes me feel weird because I was always drinking something. "Rowdy, I got you," Trevor says, as he approaches the bar. Cole and I stand behind him ready to see what the hell he's about to say or do. "Hey man how you doing? Can I get a virgin rum and coke?" he says as Cole and I turn around pretending we are not associated with him at all.