let the light in | jack hughes

Chapter 66

[January 29, 2024]

Jack

"Good Morning, Dr. Graham," I say, plopping down into the seat in front of my therapist. She got moved over to New York from her old clinic in Michigan. She's still getting used to the area but I love having her here. It feels good to see her in person during our sessions. "Good Morning Jack," she smiles, as I shrug off my coat. 

Her room isn't ready just yet which is why we're meeting in a coffee shop. A young lady drops off two cups of coffee. Her order and mine. "How much do I owe you?" I ask, referring to the coffee. She gives me a pointed look, one that tells me that I should know by now that she won't let me pay her back.

"So what's going on?" she asks, just wanting to catch up with me a bit so then we can get in a little deeper into what's new in my life. I start with hockey since it won't take up too much of my time. I tell her how much fun I'm having compared to how miserable I was last year. "No Beatrice this session?" she asks looking surprised but little does she know. I give her a look that tells her I'm winding myself up. She laughs through her nose, putting her pen down and intertwining her fingers, and setting them down on the counter. "Go on,"

I take a deep breath before telling her everything that's been going on. Starting from how she broke up with Harrison to our most recent encounter. How I introduced her to my parents with a big smile, eyeing my Mom to show her that we are now close enough for me to stand this close to her and introduce her to them. Every time I looked down at her I could see her ears turning red, embarrassed from how I totally bombarded her with my parents.

 I couldn't help it, I wanted my Mom to meet her so she could see what I'd been talking about the whole summer. She could meet the girl that smacked me across the head and helped me change. Mom loved her, she thought she was as adorable as I described her but told me I shouldn't have made her so flustered.

I tell her about New Year's Eve and at first, she seems a little held back like she wants to say something but isn't sure if it's time to give me advice. She's my therapist, so I stop my story to ask her what's on her mind. "Are you sure Beatrice isn't going to use you as her rebound? I'm not trying to deny the fact that she might be walking sunshine as you put it but do you have your heart in mind? I'm glad you're letting yourself fall but be careful, alright?" I know I asked for her advice and that's what I'm paying her to do but the thought of her being unsure of Bea's intentions makes me upset. She doesn't know her, she has no idea how Bea would let herself get hurt before hurting anyone else.

"I guarded the shit out of my heart the first time around, I think it's my turn to fall in head first to prove to her that this is what I want. Trust me, I'll be careful I swear," I tell her, watching her nod her head and write down a few notes on her notepad. I tell her how in the morning of January first she held my hands and gave me a little piece of hope to hold onto. She told me she needed some time to be single so she can get back everything she lost with Harrison.

I'll admit I saw them out together on the town and slipped out the door before she could tell because surely she'd accuse me of stalking her. A few of the times she'd seem happy but other times she'd look at him like she was begging him to look up at her and give her attention. He'd be caught up on his phone and practice her fake smile. I can tell when her smile is at its true form. I've been on the receiving end of both fake and real smiles. Even if I wished they weren't together I also wished he'd give her the attention she was asking for.

Which was why I always tried to give her more than she could ever ask for. I wanted to give her so many compliments that she'd be exhausted from hearing them and go home not wanting to hear anymore since I knew he wouldn't give her any.