heartstopper OC

forty two

Ben thought of himself as very misunderstood. He knew what he had done to Damien and Charlie Sring was enough for them to hate him. Hell. He was begining to hate himself. Why was being yourself so hard for him? He had no idea. But Ben knew his father was mostly to blame.

The way you raise your children has an effect on them. From the way you speak to them to the way you unconsciously teach them how to act towards people. They listen, and they pick up on the actions of those before them.

Ben Hope was a child of a rocky upbringing, hardly anyone knew what happened within the walls of his home. And if they did, he would have been seen very differently compared to how many people do, in reality see him.

He blames his actions on his father, although he knows deep down somewhere that the blame belongs entirely to no one else but himself. He does. However, seeing everyone at school around him, he can't help but be jealous. Most of his friends have great lives at home.

Knowing that Damien doesn't ignites something in him. A similarity of some sort that he doesn't quite understand, but one he longs to explore. Ben knew from the day he started messing around with Charlie Spring that he wasn't entirely straight. The year 10 started a fire inside him, that he purposely instinguished out of pure fear and resentment towards himself. And as much as Damien hated him, Ben agreed with the resentment. However, Damien was important to him because without knowing it, and definitely without intending to, he had relit that fire.

To say he liked him in a queer way rather than a straight way would be the truth, and knowing that worried Ben. Because he knew Damien and Harry had something going on. The only rational way to overcome his feelings and not hurt both boys in the mix, would be to completely ignore them. Stop going near them and tormenting them would help too. Ben knew that, and as he sat in his bedroom, scrolling through Instagram, the realisation finally hit him.

He can't show his face at school anymore. Ever. Why would he risk going near the pair if he felt the hate they felt for him from a mile away.

Finally understanding that the feeling of liking someone could be forbidden felt like a stabbing feeling. As if his head was pounding and the only way to stop it is sleeping. Hiding himself away until the feelings released him from their angering grip.

So, Ben did the most realistic and rational thing he could think of. He blocked both Damien and Harry on Instagram. Maybe this would relinquish him from any unwanted drama and chaos. Because he knows that he can't like Damien Spring. As much as he had started to hate Harry, he can't bring himself to ruin their relationship any more than he already has.

The teenager was pulled from his mindless thought train by a loud knock on his bedroom door, followed by a shout from his mum, a demand to do the washing up and hoover the living room. Where was his dad when he needed him.

Damien was getting his stuff ready for the next day. It was their first day back at school since they had been given a few weeks off. It felt like time had passed by faster than a blink of an eye.

Harry sat on top of Damien's bed, gazing across the room at a certain black haired boy. He watched him shove stuff in his bag and dump it on his desk chair, followed along by Damien leaning his skateboard against that same chair. Despite knowing the Spring boy can actually skateboard, he had hardly ever actually seen him use it. The fact that made him laugh was that Damien liked to carry it around the school halls incase he had any reason to hit someone with it.

Damien stopped messing with the stuff on his desk and turned to look at Harry who redirected his gaze to his lap. He chuckled to himself and stood up properly, crossing his arms over his chest, "You were staring again."