Last to know-au gallagher girl fanfic

Chapter 49-This Moment

Chapter 49- This moment

Zach pov

I want to say that I started the conversation. I wanted to say I was confident in the words I needed to speak. I wanted to say this conversation started with a smooth start. 

We sat there in silence for about 10 minutes. I had no idea how to start. There was so much I wanted to ask but I had no clue on how to ask them. On the other hand she had no idea what to say either. Staring at the wall became boring after a few minutes. 

"Zach." It was the first word she spoke to me in years. I try staying strong but my voice cracks as I said "Mom." I could see the tears in her eyes. I was positive there were mine as well. 

Deciding to be straightforward and getting this off my chest I asked her why she left me. It was tough for both of us. Asking that question was like ripping off a band aid slowly. 

I just wanted to hear her reasoning for leaving me alone to fend for myself. I had to grow up when I was a child. Dr Steve did nothing for me. I was thankful he provided me with a roof over my head. Other than that he just came every once in a while to make sure I was functioning properly. 

"I wasn't ready to be a mother." She said putting her head in her hands ashamed. "I was young and I thought your father and I would last. I was young and naive." Surprisingly all the anger I had built up over the years melted away. Like her I was young and foolish then. I was angry at her for not being able to love me enough to stay. I never considered the possibility that there were other circumstances.

"Your father and I broke up shortly after I discovered I was pregnant with you. He never knew about you." That explains a lot. Under her breath she mumbled "He still doesn't."

I always thought that when I was younger my father left me too because he didn't care about me. I had such a low self esteem it caused me to become arrogant at school. My smirking, my obnoxiousness were all because I thought me parents didn't care about me. But this makes me feel better. If my dad doesn't know I exist then it means he didn't leave me intentionally, it wasn't his fault they broke up and my mother never bothered to tell him. 

"Why didn't you tell him later on?" Playing the what if game never helped any situation but I couldn't stop myself from asking. If only she told him then maybe I would have grown up with a parental figure, maybe my childhood would have been a collection of pleasant memories instead of dark ones.

"I tried, every time I tried to contact him he shut me out. We had a huge argument before he left. He refused to talk to me. I have no idea where he is now." Her voice was pleading as her green eyes, that bore a resemblance to mine, started at me. She was looking for redemption. I can give her that. Plus she sounded genuinely sad and remorseful for her actions. If she wanted to make amends why should I act like a child and not attempt to do the same. How can I claim to be a ready adult close to going to college when I act stubbornly and like an ignorant teenager.

"I believe you." I tell her. I felt like it was the right thing to say. She needed to know I believed in her. All of my misconceived notions about her were gone. I guess all I really needed was for an explanation.

She gave me a grateful look. My mom (wow that seems so weird to say) looked so happy when I told her I believed her. It seems like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. She must have felt so guilty before. I'm glad we had a chance to talk about what happened. It was clearly evident that she was happier. Whatever makes her happy makes me happy.

"Can you tell me his name?" I want to know more about my father. I want to make amends with him. I (well more like Cammie) made contact with my mother. Would he like me? Would he care for me or take the time out of his day to meet me? I always had mixed feelings about my father but now that I know the circumstances my curiosity burned. I wanted to know more about him.