The Rain in Summer (Summer Series #1)

33

"Magpahinga ka na, Kenisha. Lalabas na ulit ako."

Ngumiti si Kien kahit na namumula ang mata niya dahil sa kanyang pag-iyak. I... felt guilt. Kien is also suffering, but all I did was judge his words online. I don't even know what he truly thinks. Ni hindi ko nga alam na nasasaktan pa rin siya sa nangyari nung gabi na 'yon. I forgot... that I was the one who left him. I... I am the one who told him that we should talk the other day, even though I knew my decision would still be the same.

"Kien, will you stay with me... tonight?"

I finally got the courage to ask him. I didn't ask him earlier. Natatakot ako na maging mag-isa ngayon. I know I'm used to being alone. I know that it's better for me to be alone than to be left alone. But this time, I am scared to make him leave me alone in this room. I feel like... There's something bad going to happen to me.

"A-Are you sure?" He asked, shocked. "It might make you uncomfortable."

"Hindi. Okay lang."

It's better to have him here than be alone in this room with which I'm not familiar. Hindi ako sanay na matulog sa ibang kwarto dahil pakiramdam ko ay hindi naman ako welcome sa lugar na 'yon.

We ordered food. Sinabi sa'kin ni Kien na nakaidlip siya at nagising siya dahil tinatawag ko raw ang pangalan ni Misha. He realized that I was dreaming about that night.

I'm not comfortable sharing that dream with others. Kahit si Zyriel na kasama ko sa condo, kapag nanaginip ako no'n ay hindi ko kwinekwento ang pinaka nakikita ko dahil hindi rin niya ako tinatanong. She just knew that it was Misha.

They also know that when Misha died, I started to have attacks, especially when it's raining. Nakikita ko ang nangyari kay Misha. Nahihirapan ako huminga at nanlalabo ang paningin ko. Everything will feel like it's not real. Na parang... Wala na naman ako sa reyalidad kundi nando'n ako sa mismong gabing 'yon o sa mga araw na nasasaktan ako tungkol sa pamilya ko.

"Keni."

"Hmm?"

"Can we talk... after I deal with the issue?" he asked after we finished eating. "I... I still want to clear things up. I know we are still not on good terms. There is still a lot to hear. I want to hear more. You've been listening to me, and I never heard what's on your mind."

I shrugged. Nilublob ko ang paa ko sa pool.

"Hindi ko alam, Kien. Para sa'kin kasi, wala na talaga tayong dapat pag-usapan pa. I understand why you left. I'm not against your decision. You have your own life. Na-realize ko rin na kahit nakapag-usap tayo tungkol sa pag-alis mo, it will still be the same."

Tumingin ako sa kanya. "I won't let you choose me over your dream. Ayun nga ang dahilan kung bakit... Hindi kita tinawagan para puntahan ako nung gabi na 'yon. Natatakot ako na baka pigilan kita... Na baka ako ang isa sa maging dahilan para hindi mo na talaga maabot ang pangarap mo, Kien."

Nakatingin lang ako sa paa naming dalawa na nakalublob sa pool. We both decided to go here since he said that it's nice. I agreed because I know we need fresh air. Malamig ang hangin. Naka-short lang ako at gray na t-shirt dahil wala pa sina Gwy para sa idadala sa'kin na damit.

"Are you feeling cold?"

Umiling ako nang hindi tumitingin sa kanya. "Okay lang. Malamig naman talaga dito sa tagaytay lalo na kapag gabi, 'di ba?"

He nodded. I remembered the first time I went here. He was the one who brought me here. And now, I'm here again with the same person.

We both remained silent. Nakababad ang mga paa namin sa pool hanggang sa may maalala akong itanong. "Paano mo pala... Nalaman condo namin ni Zyriel? Hindi mo kasi sinasagot tanong ko."