The Rain in Summer (Summer Series #1)

25

Someone told me before that a house isn't the only one we can consider as our home—but also a person. Psychology is an interesting course, it made me realize things even more and at the same time, it felt like I was helping myself to learn more that I need to know about me.

Kien and Misha were my home... I find peace and true happiness whenever I am with both of them. They showed me what love is, they made me feel loved by someone. I never thought my whole life that it's possible for someone to love me.

However, if I just stopped that night... Will things change? Will it still be okay? Is everything still the same as before? I've been wondering if... I chose to stop him... Will all of those things I experienced after that night still happen? Edi sana... magkasama pa rin kami. If I should've just not left, I still have my home beside me.

Misha ran to me with tears. Nag-aalala na hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at nagpahila sa kanya papunta sa taas kung nasaan si Mama at Ate. I was shock to see the pregnancy test on the floor, and when my mother noticed that I am here already in Ate's room, mabilis siyang lumapit sa'kin at binigyan akong malakas na sampal na ikinagulat ko dahil alam kong sa oras na 'to... Ako ang magiging dahilan na naman para kay Mama na isisisi niya kung bakit nabuntis si Ate Keli.

"M-Ma..." Ate called her while crying.

Mahigpit ang hawak ni Misha sa kamay ko bago pumagitna sa amin ni Mama. She even told her to not hurt me, which made my tears fell from my eyes. "Mama, please don't hurt my Ate!"

Hinampas-hampas ako ni Mama at umiiyak. I know she's shock and hurt, but why does it have to be me? Why is it going to be my fault again? Ako nalang ba talaga ang nakikitang mali dito?

"Mama! Please... Stop! You're hurting Ate Nisha, Mama... Mama, she's crying. Please, Mama. Hurt me, 'wag na si Ate... You're always hurting her." Mas lalong tumulo ang luha ko dahil sa mga sinabi ni Misha. She's too young to see us fighting. May sakit si Misha at ang nakikita niya sa bahay na 'to ay galit.

"Kasalanan mo 'to! Kasalanan mo 'to! Kasalanan mo lahat 'to!"

I looked at Ate. She's just looking at me while crying. Namamaga na rin ang mata niya at halatang hindi alam ang kanyang gagawin. I was hoping that she will stop our mother and explain what happened to her in a calm way, but she just watched me suffered that night.

"Bakit... B-Bakit mo kailangan hawaan ng kalandian... Ang Ate mo?! Bakit siya pa?! Bakit hindi na lang ikaw?! Hindi... Hindi ko matanggap. Anong ginawa mo, Nisha?!"

Nagulat din naman ako nung nalaman kong buntis si Ate. Kahit ako, hindi ko alam kung paano ko tutulungan si Ate pero... Pero kahit kailan, hindi ako nagalit o nandiri. Bakit imbis na kausapin ni Mama si Ate, inuna pa niyang magalit sa'kin?

"W-Wala po akong... ginagawa."

"Meron!" Hinila ako ni Mama at tinulak na naging dahilan kung bakit ako napahiga sa kama ni Ate. Misha ran towards me. Inalalayan niya akong makaupo habang patuloy na umiiyak. She's sick... Should I call Zyriel to take her first?

"Ikaw ang may kasalanan kung bakit naging ganito ang Ate mo! Lumayas ka, Nisha! Lumayas ka!"

Paano ko naging kasalanan? All the time, she's blaming me for all the mistakes she hated from our family. Ako lang ang nakikita niya palaging dahilan ng lahat ng pagkakamali na hindi niya nagugustuhan sa pamilya na 'to. Why our father left before... Why he cheated again... Why her life is being miserable... and why my sister is pregnant.

Kahit ako, naaawa na ako sa sarili ko kung maiisip ko lang. I can't understand why it has to be me. Oo, handa akong saluhin ang galit ni Mama kesa magalit siya sa ibang taong mahalaga sa'kin. Buong buhay ko, tanggap ko na ang role ko sa pamilya na 'to. It's to be someone she would hate the most in this world. I also ask sometimes if I deserve this kind of life.