Boys Will Be Bugs

Chapter 1: Boy

Remus always knew that he was different. Not because he was a werewolf, though that certainly didn't help. It was before that. By the time he could walk and talk it was clear to his parents that he was different.

At first they thought they were just dealing with a tomboy. When Remus was three he had taken some scissors and cut his hair short as carefully as he could. His parents thought that it had been a mistake, that he'd been playing a game and went a bit too far. He was only three after all, but Remus had been deadly serious. He refused to let it grow long, and when it did, he cut it straight off again. His parents could do nothing about it, so eventually they gave in and cut it for him.

Dresses and skirts were another struggle, and Remus refused to wear female robes. If he was made to wear anything other than masculine outfits he'd kick up a fuss, and cry and shout. Once again his parents had no choice but to give in. It was when he started to ask them to refer to him as a boy, however, that they started to get worried. He was nearly five when this began. Every time they referred to him as a "she", or a girl, or as their daughter, he'd immediately contradict them.

"No, mummy. He." "Boy, mummy. I'm a boy." "Son, not daughter." He was too young to hide it. He didn't realise that other people didn't feel like he did, nor could he understand why people would think there was something wrong with him, so his parents had to protect him.

His dad tried to talk to him, to discourage him, to convince him otherwise.

"Sweetheart, you do know that you're a girl don't you?" His dad asked him one day. Remus looked at him with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

"No I'm not. I'm a boy."

"No, you were born a girl. You like to dress like a boy, and that's okay. Your mother and I are okay with that, but you can't keep saying that you are a boy."

"Why not?"

"Well, for starters, you're making us sad." Remus's face dropped.

"I am?" He didn't want to make his parents sad.

"Yes. We miss our daughter."

***

The conversation left Remus feeling more conflicted than he'd ever felt before. He lay on his bed, late at night, crying silently into his pillow.

His parents were sad because of him? Even his mother? So far she had been supportive. She used he instead of she and called him "her boy". It made him so happy when she called him that. She said she loved him no matter what, but... had that all been a lie? Had she been sad this whole time? He didn't want to make her sad, but he also didn't want to pretend to be a girl. That would make him sad.

His mother must have heard him. Or maybe she'd been coming to check on him anyway.

"Dahlia? What's wrong?" She asked, rather alarmed as she opened his bedroom door and saw him curled up, awake, and clearly upset. She didn't know about the conversation. Remus didn't reply right away. She sat beside him on his bed and ran her hands through his short, wavy hair. It was comforting.

"Mummy, are you sad?" he asked, looking at her with glistening eyes. She looked slightly taken aback.

"Of course not. Why would I be sad?"

"Dad said you and him were sad because I keep saying I'm a boy."

"When did he tell you that?"

"Today." The room was quiet for a while. His mother must have been thinking.

"Don't listen to what he says. I promise I'm not sad. How can I be sad when I've got such a great kid, eh?" She added, tickling him playfully. He giggled. "You just keep doing what you want to do, okay? Don't worry about your father. I'll talk to him." Remus nodded, and his mum bent down to kiss his forehead. "Goodnight," she breathed as she walked out, shutting his bedroom door lightly behind her. Remus felt relieved. Happier. His mum wasn't sad, and she still loved him, and he didn't have to go back to being a girl. Thank God he didn't have to go back to being a girl.