Boys Will Be Bugs

Chapter 51: Nails

The room went quiet while everyone waited for Myfanwy to continue, and as she sat there, Remus recognised the signs of suddenly freezing up in fear. He empathised, having experienced it himself a number of times before, and he lightly pressed his knee against hers, subtly so no one saw, but enough to offer her some encouragement. She must have taken it, because she cleared her throat and began to speak.

"So... this is probably going to be a surprise to everyone, except Remus and Jethro, but I wanted to just... get it out in the open so we can move on, but er..." She looked around at the expectant faces and squeezed her eyes shut for the next sentence, as if she could will them all to disappear.

"I think I'm trans," she said, as quick as pulling off a plaster. She opened her eyes, searching the reactions of those around her, and immediately looked to Remus for more comfort. He smiled at her, proud at her for telling the others, and trying to hide his own fear of his friends' responses.

Lily was the first to talk.

"You think? So, you mean you want to be a girl?" Myfanwy nodded.

"Yeah. I mean, it's still a relatively new thing to me, but... well, Remus helped me realise. I didn't know it existed before, and now I do, and it explains so much but I'm still getting used to it, and..." she trailed off, noticing her own ramblings.

"Does this mean you're gonna move dorms?" asked James, curiously. Myfanwy shrugged.

"I don't know, I don't think I can. I'd have to tell my sister, and then tell McGonagall or someone, and I'm not ready for that. I just wanted you guys to know." Remus looked around himself, noticing more of a hesitation than when he'd come out to them. It was a different situation he supposed, since they'd all known Myfanwy as a boy. It was something to get used to, something so out of the blue they weren't quite sure how to respond. He just hoped they wouldn't say anything that actually hurt Myfanwy, and if they did, then they'd have him to answer to. Peter was staying silent.

"If you can't move dorms," continued Sirius, "or tell anyone else, what do you want to do?"

"Well, for starters, if you can all refer to me as a girl, that would be great. I changed my name to Myfanwy, so I'd like it if you could use that instead of Owain. Owain just doesn't suit me anymore."

"That's a nice name," said Lily.

"Thanks."

"So, you're gonna still sleep in the dorm room?" asked Peter, making James groan.

"Not this again," he muttered, and Remus was grateful he didn't have to be the one to mention it. Was Peter about to go on about the sleeping arrangements again?

"No, I don't mean it like that," defended Peter. "I mean, like.... Are you comfortable with that?" he asked Myfanwy, surprising Remus with his complete change in attitude. Peter used to be worried about himself when it came to someone like Remus sleeping in the dorm room, but now he was actually thinking of Myfanwy. He must have genuinely taken their old argument on board, and it was certainly a positive sign of growth. Remus was also glad he didn't have to yell at Peter for insulting Myfanwy, like he was expecting to need to do only a few moments ago.

"Yeah, it's fine. I like you guys enough."

"Is that why you've been growing your hair out?" asked James.

"Yeah, although I know it looks bad."

"No it doesn't! It looks good."

"I can style it for you if you want," said Lily. "And I can lend you some clips and stuff."

"That would be nice, thanks." Myfanwy looked like an entire weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and Remus understood perfectly. It was usually the moment of coming out that made you realise just how hard it had been to stay in the closet, and Myfanwy was finally experiencing the overwhelming relief of not having to hide anymore. Remus really hoped it would go well for her.