Boys Will Be Bugs

Chapter 61: Existentialism

CW// conversations about death, existential crisis, etc.

***

"You're up, then," remarked Selene, as Lyall stumbled downstairs after nearly two days in bed.

"I am."

"Want some food? I'm making chips."

"I can eat chips." He sat down at the kitchen table and Remus followed suit. Selene served up a plate of chips each, with ketchup. It wasn't exactly a healthy meal, or even a meal at all, but it was more or less what they could all manage. You didn't have to be hungry to eat chips.

"So..." began Selene, once they were all seated and chewing on their food in silence more or less. "I was thinking of letting Remus stay with me for a bit."

"He told me," replied Lyall. "That's fine, I think it's a good idea."

"You don't think he should go back to Hogwarts?" Lyall shook his head.

"I don't think school's a good idea right now, he won't be able to focus anyway. I'll talk to Dumbledore."

"Will you?" asked Selene, sceptical that Lyall would take the initiative considering he'd spent so much time in bed, not doing anything.

"I will, I'll sort it. I promise."

"I don't want to go back to school yet," Remus interjected. "Not that anyone cares..." he muttered under his breath, feeling left out of the conversation despite him sitting right there.

"Of course we care, Re," replied Selene. "I know you don't want to go back to Hogwarts, and no one's forcing you. You need to just... get away from things for a bit."

"How long for?" he asked. "Until everything goes back to normal? I'll be living with you forever if that's the case."

"I guess until you're ready to go back to school."

"Like I said," he concluded. "Forever." He speared a chip with his fork and bit into it miserably.

"We can leave for my house whenever you want," continued Selene. "You might want to visit your grandparents first, too."

"No, it's alright. I wanna leave tonight. If... if that's alright with dad," he decided to add. Lyall shrugged.

"That's fine with me, don't worry." After dinner, Remus went up to his room and packed. He only packed his clothes, and cleaned out Arianrhod's cage– she didn't use it much outside of travelling since he kept her free to fly around most of the time. He didn't know what else to bring, since he didn't want to look through his stuff. He was sure to find a lot of hidden memories that he wasn't ready to uncover yet, so he left his room largely untouched. His posters had been fixed by his dad and put back up, but he still pulled the Beatles poster back down again, gently this time. He folded it, and locked it away in his desk drawer.

"I'm ready," he stated, after walking downstairs and finding Selene in the living room. He dropped his trunk by his side with a dull thump.

"That was quick," she said.

"There wasn't much to pack, just my clothes."

"Alright, I'll guess we'll be off then. Hand me your trunk, I'll carry it." Remus walked into the kitchen where his dad was sitting there, cup of tea in his hand and staring blankly at the dark garden outside.

"I'll see you then," said Remus, trying to get his attention. Lyall looked round slowly, as if he wasn't quite there. As if he was off in an entirely different world, which Remus suspected was the case. His dad had been distracted for ages now, even before his mum had died, and it had only gotten worse since. Remus wasn't sure if his dad was even truly aware he was standing there.