Boys Will Be Bugs

Chapter 30: Attacks

The full moon was starting to make the entire friend group tetchy, which Remus had hoped to avoid. But there wasn't much he could do about his friends' concerns except assure them that he'd been transforming for years now and nothing had gone wrong (not really, anyway, but they didn't need to know the details). They were worried about people discovering him, or Remus getting hurt, or— more innocently— Remus being lonely. Rather than comfort Remus in the thought that his friends cared about him, it set him more on edge than anything. He couldn't help but wonder how long it would be before their concern turned to annoyance and they'd consider him to be more trouble than it was worth. He was starting to convince himself that his friends would eventually give up on him and leave him. Maybe they already found him irritating and were simply hiding it for now, but behind the scenes they were rolling their eyes and groaning at the thought of spending another full moon with him.

Remus was torn between letting them come with him to the Whomping Willow, wanting to alleviate their worries, but not wanting to ask too much of them. He hadn't realised how dependent on his friends he had become, and the paranoia was keeping him up. Remus had always been like this, but not in the way he was now. Probably because the only people he had in his life before arriving at Hogwarts was his parents, and he knew it would take a lot for them to leave him. If he ever did become paranoid all he had to do was ask his mum if she still loved him and she fell all over him in a hug and as much assurance as he needed.

But his dad had left. He hadn't left Remus as such, but it did feel like Remus's fault. He was always self-conscious, that was for sure. Terrified of conflict with his father in case it made Lyall hate him. Remus treated his dad like a stranger or an acquaintance, someone who could easily be pissed off and not want to deal with you anymore. Someone who could walk away easily. Now that his dad had walked away, Remus turned his attention to his friends. How long would theystick around for?

"You guys really don't have to worry about the full moon," said Remus one night, desperate to put an end to their fears once and for all. "Just because you know about it now doesn't mean it's suddenly dangerous for me to be on my own."

"I know, but it's hard not to think of you out there with no protection," replied James.

"I have plenty of protection, I'm a werewolf." Remus kept his voice as low as possible, even though the common room was empty. You never knew who could be listening. "There's really not much that can hurt me when I'm in my wolf form, especially not in the Shrieking Shack."

"Why can't we at least just walk you to the Whomping Willow?" Sirius asked.

"Because you'll just risk all of us getting caught. It'll do more harm than good." They couldn't argue with his points, so they reluctantly agreed to drop the subject entirely and let Remus continue the full moons on his own.

Half-term was nearly upon them, and Remus was trying to decide whether to stay with his mum or not for the two weeks, or stay at Hogwarts with the others. He didn't think there was any need to stay at Hogwarts, and while he always missed his friends when he wasn't with them, he decided they probably needed a break from him (him needing a break from them barely crossed his mind). Besides, he missed his mum too and they hardly saw each other anymore, so Wales it was.

First, however, it was Remus's birthday. The others still didn't know when his birthday was, and he was even more determined to keep it that way. He knew they'd instantly make a fuss and want to throw some sort of party, but Remus just couldn't be arsed. It was the last thing he wanted. At least his family knew about his reservations against birthdays and sent him little more than a card and a few small presents.

The best gift he received, which was technically a few days before his birthday, was Madam Pomfrey calling him into the hospital wing and informing him that he'd be allowed to take a higher dose before Easter. His maximum dose, in fact, now that he was about to be thirteen. It had been a year since he'd first taken the potion, and he was finally starting to see some positive changes. His voice was getting deeper now, properly deep. It was matching with the other boys who were rapidly going through puberty and dealing with the sudden change in voice. Not only that but he was starting to see some slight facial hair, at least around his lip. He didn't think he looked great with a moustache but at the moment, as he was ecstatic at the fact he could even grow facial hair, there was absolutely nothing his friends could say that would make him shave it off. And they had tried.