Boys Will Be Bugs

Chapter 35: Peter

"What do you mean your parents didn't name you Remus?"

***

"I named myself," Remus replied. His voice was steady and he held their gaze. He was terrified, there was no denying it. He didn't think there'd ever be a time when he wouldn't be terrified of telling someone he was trans, but his outward appearance was as calm as he could keep it. Maybe if he acted like he didn't care about this conversation then his friends wouldn't care either.

"You did?" said James. "Why?"

"When?" Sirius asked.

"When I was five. I changed my name because my old name was a girl's name." The boys laughed lightly.

"Your parents gave you a girl's name? What was it?"

"I knew a guy called Valerie," said Peter. "A friend of my dad's."

"Was your name Valerie?" They were still laughing, thinking he'd just been given a girl's name for a joke or accidentally. An out of place name given to a baby boy.

"No it wasn't. My parents gave me a girl's name because I was a girl." They all fell silent at once. Sirius smiled nervously as if he expected Remus to say he was just messing with them, like when Remus had first told them he was a werewolf.

"What do you mean you were a girl?" Asked James. "That's impossible, you're obviously a boy."

"Well, thank you." Remus breathed in and collected his thoughts before continuing. "I'm transgender."

"Wait, you're not joking?" Peter suddenly questioned.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought you were joking when you said you were a girl, but you're... not?"

"No. I was born a girl. But I didn't feel like a girl. I knew I was a boy so I became one. It's probably more complicated than that, but that's the gist of it."

"I didn't know that was a thing," said Sirius. "How did you become a boy?" Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Magic? I don't know why people think it's so impossible, it's just transfiguration. It even has trans in the name," he joked weakly.

"Yeah, it makes sense," replied James. "I've just never heard of it before." None of them were giving an indication of how they were feeling, and Remus was getting more nervous by the second. Had this been a mistake? What if they all hated him now and he'd be going home in a few minutes without any friends? Well, at least he'd still have Lily. But he didn't want to lose James or Sirius or Peter.

"You're okay with it, right? I know it's a lot to take in, but I'm... I'm still me. I'm still Remus, and everything. You don't have to think of me as a girl because I'm not one..." he was at risk of rambling the way he did when he was anxious, so he stopped himself from continuing and simply waited for a response.

"I'm okay with it," James eventually decided. "You were born a girl but you became a boy. Simple." Remus audibly sighed with relief, not caring if they noticed. So he had James and Lily on his side now. That was good. He turned to the other two.

Sirius nodded his head slowly.

"I agree with James." Remus straightened up hopefully.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, nothing changed when you told us you were a werewolf and nothing changes now. If you were a boy before you're still a boy now, right?" Remus nodded quickly.

"Yeah, exactly! It's not a big deal, really."

"Yeah it is," Peter said suddenly. He was finally speaking, and the way he was looking at Remus suggested that he wasn't as willing to accept the conversation as quickly as the other two.