Boys Will Be Bugs

Chapter 89: Summer

Summer was almost upon them, which only meant one thing for Remus: it was the anniversary of his mother's death. He couldn't quite believe it had already been a year. It felt so recent that she had died, and he wasn't keen on the idea that she had missed out on an entire year worth of events. He supposed it would just get worse, though. One day she will have missed out on five years, then ten, then twenty, and so on and so on until Remus himself died. It wasn't a pleasant thought, so he stopped thinking about it.

He left school on the day of the anniversary and headed home. He and his dad were going to visit his grandparents and have dinner with them and Uncle Tom. Selene was invited too, and it was going to be a quiet evening of food and reminiscing and visiting the churchyard to leave flowers at her grave. Remus hadn't been to her gravestone since the day of the funeral, and he was building up the image of it in his mind so much that he was quite terrified of seeing it. Would it even still be there? Did it look like a ruin now? Had the words carved into it rubbed off? Would he even know which one it was?

His fears ended up being rather irrational, because the headstone looked exactly the same as it had. It didn't even look faded, although there was some moss growing around the bottom of it. It didn't hurt any less the first time he caught sight of it, though. The thought of his mum being right under his feet almost made him start panicking, because he hadn't realised how unprepared he was for this moment. It was bringing back all the memories of the funeral, of the day she had died, of the days before she had died, of his entire life with her.

He didn't cry. He had to stop crying. He was too old to cry; he had to be strong. For his mum, for his dad, for his grandparents. He had to stand there in silence and then step forward to place down the bouquet of flowers in front of it. He read the words on the front of the stone:

Hope Aderyn Lupin née Howell

Beloved wife, mother and daughter

May 10th 1937– July 14th 1974

"Benthyg dros amser byr yw popeth a geir yn y byd hwn."

His dad put an arm around him, and that was it. They all walked back home, in silence, as the sun began to set behind the hills. Life moved on, and the five of them returned home in time for dinner. They had steak and kidney pudding, with carrots and peas. Remus didn't like peas, but he still ate them.

***

Sirius was growing more and more subdued with each passing day. Remus felt guilty that he had neglected to even think about the fact that Sirius was forced to return home for two months again, and he was terrified of the thought. It had gone so badly last time, with his friends needing to go all the way up to London just to make sure he wasn't dead or anything. It was clear that it was all Sirius could think about, and he withdrew into himself for hours at a time. He was quiet and irritable, but he was also scared and he needed Remus to hug him and stroke his hair and tell him that everything was going to be okay. It killed Remus to see him like this. It was as if he'd turned into a terrified child seeking comfort from the only person who showed him any.

"I don't want to go home," whispered Sirius. He was cuddled up against Remus, burying his face in Remus's chest, while Remus rubbed comforting circles around his back. "Please don't let me go back home."

"Stay with me, then."

"I can't, my parents... they'll find me. You'll be in too much danger."

"Don't worry about me, just... don't go back. You can hide somewhere, you can go to the pub! The pub's protected and I'm sure Selene will let you stay. She did with Mary." Sirius just kept shaking his head.