The funeral was near the end of July, just as the summer holidays had started. It was easier that way, so Tobin's friends would have no trouble attending. Except for Sirius, whose parents had no intention of letting him go, and chances are, Sirius hadn't even told his parents in the first place. Remus was going with his mum, and everyone else would be with parents or family members as well, so Sirius's absence left a noticeable gap in the little group.
Remus had only been to one funeral before, when he was seven and Lyall's father had died. He didn't remember much about it, except that he had to wear black and sit very still. He'd hated it, mostly because he wasn't out as trans to a lot of the family and other guests who arrived. He begged to wear a suit like his father, but Lyall said it would cause a scene, which simply wasn't appropriate. Remus had therefore been forced to wear a black dress and matching cardigan, as well as face being called his old name the entire night. Mixed in with the grief of losing a grandfather, it was possibly the worst day of his life.
But now, he felt like he could grieve properly. He didn't have to be focused on horrible dresses and misgendering instead of mourning the person who had died. His mother picked out a suit for him, gave him a haircut in order to neaten up his appearance, and the two set off from Wales down to County Durham where the funeral was taking place in a local church. Remus didn't know what to expect when he arrived, and unlike at his grandfather's funeral, he didn't know a single person there. He hoped he'd be able to stick with his friends the entire time, but he also didn't want to be rude. He felt out of place, like he shouldn't be there. Tobin's family were already dealing with losing not only Tobin, but his parents too. Remus couldn't imagine the sort of grief they were going through, and he felt like he was imposing.
"Welcome," greeted a lady standing in front of the church doors. "Thank you for coming." She was dressed all in black and Remus didn't know if she was family or not, but he shook her hand anyway, as did Hope, and the lady handed them a program. Everyone talked in low voices and people were quick to make their way silently to the rows of pews in the church. Remus was one of them, keen to duck away from the rest of the congregation and take his seat in the back row with his mum. He searched around for some of his friends, and spotted Jethro nearer to the front. He was sitting next to Owain. Remus decided against going up to them in case they weren't in the mood to say hello, and settled back into his seat instead. He tried to stop focusing on his own awkwardness around Tobin's bereaved family, and instead focus on why he was actually here: to say goodbye to Tobin. He could see the open casket from where he was sitting, but he couldn't see inside it. He didn't know if he wanted to see inside it. The last time he saw Tobin was around two months ago now, and he had been alive and well and happy. Seeing him now, cold and still in his coffin, Remus didn't think he could handle the sight. He didn't even want to think about the sight, but his only other distraction was the music that was playing, and all it did was make him even more upset. He didn't know what the music was, some sort of classical piece. Mozart, or Beethoven or one of the composers that not even he cared much about. Tobin would have hated it. Remus didn't know the extent of his friend's music taste, but he was fairly certain that string quartets had never once been mentioned. The rest of Tobin's family either didn't know him well enough, or didn't care enough to play something that Tobin actually liked, and Remus was too inexplicably angry to feel guilty for even thinking that. He had no right to say he knew Tobin better than the boy's own family, but for Merlin's sake, it wasn't fair that Tobin had no say in the music used at his own funeral. At least Remus would know to play a Beatles song, or a Pink Floyd song, or anything from the top charts that wasn't written a hundred years ago by a dead person.
"I don't want to be here," Remus whispered to his mum. "I feel sick." Hope put an arm around him.
"I know, sweetheart, but we can't leave," she said. Remus sunk down into the crook of her arm and leant against her. He didn't care that he was thirteen and probably looked a right baby; his mam was the only comfort he had and he wanted to stay next to her. It could've been her in that coffin, targeted by a muggle attack while Remus was away at school. The thought made him shiver and he kept her arm around his shoulders for at least a few minutes, ignoring the wrong music playing around him.
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Boys Will Be Bugs
Fanfiction[REUPLOAD] Remus Lupin has more than one secret, and there's no way of knowing who he can trust. All he has are his parents, but they can't protect him when he goes off to Hogwarts. But then Remus meets a boy and his two other friends, and soon real...
