Boys Will Be Bugs

Chapter 97: Wolf

Remus never noticed his friends enter the woods, which was understandable; he was in his wolf form by then, so he had no idea who they even were, let alone notice that they were with him. When he woke up the next morning, his memories were sketchy, to say the least. All he could base the experience on was how he felt afterwards, and it was... odd.

He felt differently to what he usually did. He soon noticed the absence of the usual negative feelings that tended to overwhelm his mind as soon as he woke up: anger, fear, sadness. He didn't feel that right now, in fact he felt lighter than he ever had done after a full moon. The last time he had woken up in a forest he had still felt some form of tension, most likely due to his altercation with the Centaurs, but in James's forest, he clearly hadn't had any incidents that had caused his wolf form any distress, because he didn't feel any. He took this as a good sign, and sat up on his hands, looking around. He was still in the forest, blinking in the daylight. The leaves behind him rustled and he quickly turned his head in the direction of the noise. Sirius was there, holding out a change of clothes. He smiled in greeting and put a hand over his eyes.

"I'm not looking," he said. "You can grab the clothes and put them on." Remus stood up and took the clothes from him.

"Thanks."

"I didn't... um, see anything." Remus pulled on the clean shirt and trousers, which must have belonged to James. The shirt fit fine, but the trousers were slightly short on his ankles, and rather tight round the waist. He didn't complain though.

"You can open your eyes now." Sirius obliged and stood there for a moment.

"So..." he began. "How— how are you feeling?"

"I'm... feeling good," replied Remus. It was more or less the truth, and judging by the fact that he actually felt happy for the first time after a full moon, he had to conclude that his wolf form must have had the best experience of its life last night. Except... there was still something missing.

No, not missing. Something that still remained.

Loneliness.

He sighed to himself. It was still there, the loneliness, squeezing his chest like a permanent fixture in his heart. Why wouldn't it leave?

"You were with me last night, weren't you?" Sirius nodded.

"You don't remember?" Remus shook his head in response. Sirius held a hand out.

"Come on, we'll head back," he said, as Remus took his hand in his. "James is itching to tell you all about it." Remus followed him, but stumbled a few times as he did, and Sirius had to slow down. Regardless of how good the previous night had been, he was still feeling the usual effects. He was tired and sore, and he struggled to stay upright for long. Sirius had thankfully brought Remus's cane, and he handed it to him. Remus used it to support one side while Sirius helped support the other, and they limped back to the Potters' house before James's parents had even woken up.

"I can't stay for long," said Remus, as the two reached the front door. "My dad gets up in an hour and I need to be back at home before then." The last thing he needed was for his dad to wake up to an empty house and lose his mind over Remus's sudden disappearance.

"That's okay," replied Sirius. "Maybe you can come back tomorrow then, and we can talk to you about it. I take it you need to sleep?" Remus nodded, almost desperately so as the exhaustion began to fully take hold of him. Sirius took him inside, where James and Peter were waiting. Luckily, they were all used to the aftermath of the full moon, so there was no protest to letting Remus go back home and sleep off the previous night. Remus thanked James for the clothes and told them he'd be back tomorrow. He felt guilty about leaving so soon when it felt like such a momentous occasion, not just for himself but for his friends too; they had spent so long working to become animagi after all, it felt almost like an insult for Remus to gloss over it, but he could already feel his eyes closing and he still had the awful prospect of using the floo powder in his exhausted, weakened state. He said a quick goodbye to all three of them and reluctantly stepped foot inside the grate.