Boys Will Be Bugs

Chapter 57: Secrets

Remus was worried that the kiss would make things awkward between him and Marlene, but to his surprise, she didn't seem to be bothered by it at all. The kiss had meant nothing to her really, and she settled back down into their friendship pretty quickly. Remus followed suit, but he was rather bewildered by how little things had changed. It wasn't that he had wanted things to change, but a more egoistical side to him was a little disappointed that his kiss hadn't been earth-shattering in any way. Was he that bad at it?

"Not at all, but as I said... I only see you as a friend," explained Marlene, when Remus voiced his insecurities one day in the library.

"Why'd you kiss me then?" She shrugged.

"Curiosity, I guess."

"Oh. Alright." Remus stared at his book, his eyes unmoving. Marlene must have noticed because she cleared her throat lightly.

"Are you disappointed or something?" she asked. Remus didn't immediately respond, because he didn't actually know.

"I don't think I am, but..." He couldn't work out what he was worried about. He didn't think he had a crush on Marlene. He still wasn't entirely sure, but he was quite intimidated by her, so if he ever did have a crush it had probably dissipated by now. So it wasn't that. He decided he must have just been insecure. Insecure about kissing a girl and not knowing if she felt weird about it, in case she thought she was also kissing a girl. He didn't really want to ask Marlene that, and he didn't see the point anyway. She wouldn't have an answer for whether or not she felt like she was kissing a girl, because how on earth would she know what that felt like? Which meant that Remus had to just hope that Marlene hadn't been put off at all.

"I wasn't a bad kisser, was I?" he asked. Marlene shrugged.

"To be honest, I don't have anyone else to compare it to, so I don't know. It didn't feel bad though."

"You've never kissed anyone else before?"

"No. Have you?"

"No, but I'm... well, I'm a dork, no one wants to kiss me." He laughed lightly, self-deprecatingly. "But you... you're really cool, I would have thought you'd have loads of boys after you." Marlene scrunched up her nose.

"I don't want all the boys after me. I'm not interested in all that crap. You know, all the lovey-dovey boyfriend stuff. Gross."

"But you wanted to go on a date with me?"

"I wanted to hang out with you. I never technically said it was a date."

"Oh."

"I'm more surprised that you wanted to go on a date with me." Remus knitted his eyebrows together. That didn't seem possible, when he felt like a loser compared to her. Why wouldn't he want to date her?

"Why?" She looked a little awkward.

"I mean, I'm not saying I know everything about you or anything but... I didn't really think you were into that."

"Into what?"

"Um... girls?" She looked down, worried that she may have crossed a line. Remus didn't know if she had or not but he certainly needed a moment to reply and take in what she had said. He felt a cold chill of fear run through him. He had only slightly allowed himself to open his mind to the thought that he might not be fully straight, but now Marlene was telling him it was so noticeable that even she could see it, and she wasn't even one of his closest friends. Shit... did that mean his friends suspected too? They hadn't said anything, but maybe they didn't want to overstep, and only Marlene had the confidence to say something.

"What, um... what makes you think that?" he asked, keeping his voice steady.

"Well, I dunno, you sort of seemed like maybe you weren't interested in girls and that..." she sighed. "Truth is, I thought you liked Sirius?" Remus stared at her even harder, suppressing the urge to let his mouth fall open.