Boys Will Be Bugs

Chapter 122: Luke

Dear Sirius,

You know, if you wanted me to go to the village, you could have just talked to me. If you wanted to break up with me, you could have just said so. I get it. We weren't good together. We brought out the worst in each other, but fucking hell Sirius you could have just talked to me. Why do you always do this, you act like a child and make everything so much worse instead of just having a normal discussion like a goddamn adult. Of course I would have been upset, but honestly? I probably would have agreed in the long run.

Now all you've done is made me hate you, and I don't know why you want that. Do you think it's easier or something? To just have people hate you instead of upsetting them? It's better that they hate you instead of blaming themselves or asking what they could do better or... I guess it's better that they hate you and leave you alone than love you and keep bothering you, right? You're such a fucking coward.

Maybe I never will return from this place. Maybe I never will see you again. I like it here, and this place understands loyalty more than anything else. They'd never betray me like you did, and they barely even know me. You were supposed to love me. I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you, or that our relationship scared you too much or whatever the reason was that you decided the best option was to make me hate you.

I don't even know why I'm writing these fucking letters to you anyway. I'm trying not to think about you, but that's obviously impossible. You were my best friend. My boyfriend. Nothing was ever supposed to change.

I get it. That was the problem. It needed to change.

You still could have just talked to me.

— Remus

***

Remus wandered up the fields to the pen where the sheep were grazing, mostly out of boredom, since he wasn't ready to go back to the village yet. Besides, he enjoyed his walks through the fields, and Selene had made sure his cane had enough grip at the bottom to help with any hiking. It was a nice enough day, and Remus was drawn to any reminders of home.

He didn't go too near the sheep, not wanting to scare them, but he took a seat underneath the shade of a nearby tree and watched them for a while. He must have been quite tired, though, because it wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but the bright sunshine made it hard to keep his eyes open, and it was so quiet and peaceful up here. He could understand why Luke was so territorial over this place, and he supposed that was only to be expected in a village full of werewolves.

Remus didn't sleep for very long; he was woken up by something nudging against his hand, and as he opened his groggy eyes he took in the figure of a sheep grazing right where he was sitting. He didn't jump away. In fact he chuckled to himself at the sheep desperately trying to reach the grass underneath him for no discernible reason. Remus smiled and reached a hand out to pat the sheep on its head, expecting it to pull away immediately and scatter back to its friends, but it calmly accepted his hand and let him stroke the soft fur atop its head while it continued to graze.

"You want this grass?" Remus asked, standing up and moving away so the sheep could reach the grass growing around the tree. The grass here seemed longer and slightly greener, sheltered as it was from the direct sunlight, so Remus could understand what the sheep was getting at, and he picked some of the grass, holding it up to the sheep's nose. The sheep sniffed at it and began chewing it. It tickled slightly, and Remus smiled, immediately feeling as if he were six years old again, back on his grandparents's farm.

"Oi," called a voice. Remus looked up, dropping the rest of the grass and stepping away from the sheep as if he had been caught red handed doing something wrong. Judging by the look on Luke's face, it certainly seemed that way.