Boys Will Be Bugs

Chapter 24: Centaurs

The following month was fairly uneventful, with only two significant things happening in Remus's opinion.

For one, Sirius was still attempting to reach out to his brother. He'd go off during break times and leave his friends under the oak tree outside, not returning until lessons restarted, looking as moody and downtrodden as ever. It was a bit of a drag, and Remus could tell that James was struggling with his friend no longer being as cheerful as he'd once been, who wasn't as willing to partake in pranks, or have fun in class or even just crack a few jokes. Remus sympathised, and he missed the old Sirius too. But for some reason, Sirius's rejection from his brother had seemingly brought him closer to Remus more than anyone else, which Remus was confused by. Surely, if one was on the path to losing their brother they'd fall back on someone who felt just as much like their brother, which Remus knew was James. James and Sirius regularly described themselves as brothers, both in a joking way, but with a clear hint of genuineness. Remus understood Sirius's logic eventually, though. Sirius needed comfort, and James wasn't the best at that. It wasn't James's fault; Remus had known him long enough now to realise that he didn't mean to be dismissive when someone was feeling bad. It was usually the one time James wasn't a talker, when someone needed comfort. When he did talk, he usually repeated someone's else's sentiment and try to think of a physical act to do instead of offering any sort of words of advice, like give someone a chocolate frog or ask if they needed a hug. He'd admitted to Remus that the truth was he was simply terrible at comforting people with words.

"I just never know what to say. All I can think to do is try and tell them a story of when I felt the same way as them, but then people don't seem to like that. So I just... shut up I guess. It's easier to just ask if they want some sweets and then leave the comfort up to someone else." And in this case, that someone else usually turned out to be Remus, who was much better at knowing what to say. Whether he liked comforting people or not, didn't matter (and if he was being honest he certainly wasn't particularly thrilled to be the one people went to for advice), because unfortunately that was just who he was. He knew how to act and he knew what to say, so people always turned to him. Sirius was no different.

"He talks to me," Sirius would say. "But only to try and convince me that it would be better if I acted more like our family. Says it's better for me. He's looking out for me, I guess, but he won't listen. He doesn't know that I'm looking out for him too." Remus wanted to say that if he wasn't getting through to Regulus, he was unlikely ever to get through to him now that Regulus was spending all his time with the Slytherins. But he also didn't want Sirius to get fed up with him, so he sucked it up, and said what Sirius wanted to hear. The comfort that everyone wanted to hear when they came to Remus. He really hoped this role that had been shoved upon him wouldn't stick.

"He just needs some time," said Remus. "He'll realise that you're right one day, and he'll come running back. Just you wait and see." Sirius smiled gratefully at him, and all of Remus's cynicism melted away briefly, and he finally felt a wave of pure sympathy towards his friend. Sirius was hurting, of course he was. He wanted Regulus to be on his side— on his friends' side— and it was killing him that his brother was slipping away from him with little more than a goodbye. Sirius wanted to reach someone who seemed unreachable, and the effort was getting to him. He needed Remus to be there. James was just a distraction for him, someone he could go to when he needed a laugh, but Remus was his go-to when he just needed to talk. The night in the astronomy tower had proven that, and Remus had to reconsider his aversion with being the comforter of the group, because he suddenly realised that he didn't mind sitting here with Sirius. They were alone in the courtyard of the school grounds, but they were hidden within the arches, away from the main corridor. They had been sitting opposite each other, since there was no room to sit side by side, unless they gave up their back rests and sat facing the courtyard. But Sirius wanted to keep his voice low, so he shifted as close to Remus as possible, and eventually they were sitting beside each other, their knees almost touching.